Loneliness never really bothered me. In school, I would always be the odd kid out; always forced to join an unwilling peer for partner assignments. I wasn't mean or too weird, just quiet. My mother always worried when I never had any playdates growing up, scared I would have to live with her forever. She likely cried of happiness when I found my only friend, and best friend, in high school. Finally, I wasn't lonely. I had someone to do everything with; homework, eating lunch, doing nails, sleepovers, crushing over boys that couldn't care less about us.
Yet as I stand in my new apartment, the only decoration being the stacked boxes against the walls, I know that I am lonely again.
Everyone else in my class is off to college. Getting new opportunities, meeting new people. I chose to move to New York. 400 miles away from home, from anything I'm familiar with. All of high school, I worked my ass off for this moment. Once I hit 16, I got a job. Every cent I made went into savings or music equipment. I got my first guitar when I was young, but everything else is from my pocket.
I could lose everything I've worked for if I don't do this right.
I've been able to gain a small following over the past few years, only putting out covers and a couple of originals on YouTube. I've just started learning production, ready to officially put my name out there. I'm alone and I'm terrified, but I can't disappoint her. I can't disappoint the young girl who wanted to be exactly like every singer she saw on TV and heard on the radio. I won't.
The ringing from my phone interrupts my thoughts. "Hello?" I answer, putting it on speaker and setting it down on the floor.
"Hey Eve,"
In the face of my new solidarity, I'm comforted by the voice of my best friend. "Hi Sofia. What's up?"
"Wanted to hear how moving in is going. Did everything arrive on time?"
I grab a box cutter from my small set of tools, opening up my box of bedsheets. "Nope. My furniture isn't coming until tomorrow. I only have a mattress."
"Better than nothing, I guess." I hear her sigh. "Since you moved, that made my mother somehow finally realize I'm moving in a couple of months, too, and she's been a crying mess all day."
I laugh, easily able to imagine her mom acting like that. I wish I was her daughter sometimes. Sure, my own mother loves me and cares about me. But she completely fought me on this New York thing, begging me to go to college instead. Begged me to join my brother in engineering school, to focus on getting a real job rather than chasing my silly dreams. She didn't bother to help me move at all and hasn't contacted me yet today; she even gave me the silent treatment the last week I was at home. The second I graduated and it hit her that I wasn't doing what she wanted, she shut me out. It's okay, though. I know she'll eventually talk to me again. "Your poor mother,"
"She's pathetic," Sofia whispers with a giggle, then goes silent for a few seconds. "I miss you."
"I miss you too." I tell her as I make my bed— or, my mattress. "We've been attached at the hip since freshman year and now we have to do stuff on our own. I don't think we'll survive."
"Me neither," She groans. Knowing my plan, she applied to multiple universities in the city, but only got accepted to a small college back home in Virginia. "When you're famous and have a private jet you'll have to come visit every weekend."
Sofia keeps me company as I finish setting up what I can. I move each box to its designated room, nearly everything having to be placed on furniture that isn't here. The rooms that look the most put together are the bathroom and kitchen. Makeup, hair tools, and shower necessities lie on the counter, dishes and silverware in their new homes of cabinets and drawers. The sun will set soon, and my only lighting is the overhead lights, so I decide I should go out and get a lamp. I pull open my suitcase of clothes and change into a fresh shirt and pair of jeans, both tailored for a very tall and large man rather than the size of me. I take my hair out of its messy ponytail and brush it out, saying goodbye to Sofia before grabbing my key and wallet and stepping out.
I walk downstairs, passing one of my new neighbors in the main entrance. Of course, I don't bother saying hi, but it's still good to keep mental note of who lives here. I walk down the street, grateful for a nearby Target, but still excited to eventually get my own car to travel further. I have enough saved up to keep me steady and comfortable for awhile, and a decent income from YouTube. Still, I'll have to find a job around the city if my music doesn't start picking up soon. I really don't want my mother to be proved right.
I grab the cheapest lamp I can find, as well as a few essential groceries, before checking out and going back home. I plug the lamp in next to my mattress and then stand in my kitchen, realizing I bought a microwaveable dinner, yet have no microwave. I just have water, soda, and chips. I pour them into a bowl and go back to my bedroom, sitting against the wall. My nerves spike as I observe my situation, but I know it's going to get better. I just need to get through this night, sleeping completely alone for the first time, and make my new home cozy tomorrow. I eat my pathetic dinner while watching a movie on my laptop, grateful I at least have my WiFi set up, before eventually lying down on my mattress. I pull my covers over my head, wishing the night to go quick.
I wake on my own, the window letting light pour in against the beige walls. I check my phone, immediately reading a text from the company I bought all of my furniture from.
Co. : Hello EVE ! Thank you for shopping with us! Our worker(s) noticed you weren't home when they dropped your furniture off, so they left it by your door! Contact for any help.
"Are you fucking serious?" I mutter, throwing my covers off of me and walking to my front door. I pull it open, groaning as I see my stuff taking up nearly half of the hallway. Thankfully, the text is from just half an hour ago, so I hope it didn't bother too many people. I make sure nothing was stolen before beginning to pull everything in my place. Somehow, no one passes through to possibly help me out, but I manage to eventually get everything in. I'm forever glad I've gone to the gym for years for times like this.
The worst part is arranging everything. I had a vision for how it all would end up, which I get pretty similar after many hours of sweat, music playing from my phone to distract me. I'm proud of my place and take a video, walking through it all to send to Sofia.
I lie on my couch with water in my hand, absolutely exhausted. My phone buzzes, and I'm surprised when the text is from my brother rather than Sofia.
Ryan: Hi Eve! Hope the move is going well :) Sorry I couldn't come help you out, but I'll visit soon. Love you!!
Despite mom's obvious favoritism towards him, I still remain close to my brother. He's just a year older than me and is attending a school an hour away, so I at least have family a bit close.
Me: It's ok haha I get it, you're busy as hell. My furniture got here a day late but it's fine now cuz everything is done. Love you too.
I also get a notification from DoorDash, seeing that my food is here but the guy won't come up to my place. I slip shoes on and walk down to the lobby, quickly thanking the guy as I take my bag of food. I head back up, my legs exhausted as I finally reach my door. I pull my key out and struggle with the lock, wondering why it won't budge.
I suddenly hear foot steps on the other side of the door and I cringe at myself. I look at the next door and realize it's mine. I take my key out of this door knob right as the door opens.
"What the hell are you doing?"
I look up at the ridiculously tall man, surprised by his accent. I suddenly feel embarrassed, looking like shit in front of such a gorgeous man. He looks like a live statue, his face perfectly chiseled, his brown curly hair falling into his eyes.
"Sorry," I mutter. "I just moved here. I thought this was my door. I'm sorry."
He glances me up and down, an angry look on his face. "Maybe use your fucking brain next time."
I jump back as he slams the door in my face, completely shocked at his attitude. A simple mistake, and I'm called a moron. I wanted to be at least a little friendly with my neighbors, but I guess this guy wants none of that.
