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TW mentions of ED
Josephine retreats to the bathroom, seeking solace in its quiet confines. Her dorm mates still sleep, undisturbed by her seclusion.
The events from last night demand her attention, compelling her to process them. The hurtful comments that haunt her, the very remarks that fuel her struggles with an eating disorder, resurface vividly. Despite her attempts to banish them, those cutting words persist, particularly the ones that cut the deepest.
Recollections flood in – the unkind jests of neighborhood girls, the relentless teasing from boys in every school year. Seated on the bathroom floor, back against the wall, Josie sighs deeply, drawing her knees to her chest. Familiar pain pierces her, though it is nothing new. Somehow, today, it stings more than usual.
Perhaps it is the avalanche of suppressed insecurities bursting forth, echoing her uncertainties about her relationship with Regulus and herself. Thoughts whirl about, contemplating if ending the relationship now would spare her future agony. Why is he even with her? Is it all just a cruel jest on his part?
Her eyes moisten, yet she swiftly brushes away any tears, admonishing herself silently.
No crying. No crying. No crying.
Perhaps she could just..not go to classes today, but she is already dressed and made up. She could skip breakfast, it would require slipping out unnoticed before Dorcas awakes.
Absentmindedly picking at her nails until they redden, Josie eventually rises from the bathroom floor. With deliberate caution, she exits the dorm without stirring the other girls, relieved by the door's silent closure.
The library beckons as a sanctuary. An excuse of getting engrossed in studies seems plausible, especially with impending exams. She walks through the empty common room then the empty corridors.
Once she gets to the library she's able to find a table in a secluded corner.
She settles down, extracting numerous books from her bag and immersing herself in study, an attempt to divert her mind from the tumultuous thoughts that plague her.
~~~
"Josephine"
Josephine's hand halts mid-writing.
"Hi," she greets, turning to Regulus with an innocent smile.
"Skipping breakfast?" His inquiry is immediate as he steps closer.
"I've just been studying," she responds.
"All morning?" Regulus queries, settling into the chair beside her. His presence exudes a pleasant scent of eucalyptus.
"Yes," she affirms, meeting his gaze briefly before averting her eyes.
He glances at the sprawl of books around her. "You need to eat something."
She clears her throat. "I'm fine, I'll eat later."
His gaze lingers on her before shifting back to the books. She avoids his stare.
"I'll eat later," she repeats, a sense of unease creeping in at his silent skepticism.
Regulus doesn't vocalize his doubt, but she senses it lingering in the air. He probably hadn't overheard the hurtful comment from the boy at the party, a thought that brings her relief.
"Want to walk to class together?" His question interrupts her thoughts.
"Sure," she replies, swiftly gathering her scattered books into her bag.
As she stands, she conceals the dizziness that swirls within her. Experience has taught her to hide it well, at least outwardly.
Together, Josephine and Regulus exit the library, heading towards their first class of the day.
~~~
Josephine hastily glances around the hallway before practically bolting back to her common room. The weight of the day threatens to break her, and staying in class feels impossible without breaking down into tears.
Just as she turns the corner, she almost collides with James coming her way.
"Oh, hi, Josie," he mutters.
She gathers herself, steeling her emotions. She has to keep up the façade a little longer.
As he's about to walk past, she manages, "Thank you."
His surprise is evident in his expression.
"I know you were probably a bit drunk, but thank you for what you did at the party," she clarifies, her nervousness manifesting in the harsh picking at her nails behind her back.
James takes a deep breath. "I know we aren't as close anymore, and I understand why... I guess I still consider you my sister."
Her gaze drops to her shoes. Emotions tangle within her, a conflict she finds hard to navigate.
Resentment mingles with a deep yearning for the brother she once knew.
"I'd like to talk more," she begins, "but I think we should wait until later, after this... war."
Admitting it feels selfish – keeping a distance to shield herself from potential hurt if he died and sparing him the same pain if she met a similar fate.
Thoughts of her own death frequent her mind.
James nods, a faint smile forming. "I'll see you later, Josie." With that, he walks past her and departs.
As Josie continues toward the common room, her mind wanders. Few truly comprehend her involvement in the impending conflict beyond Helena.
Tom remains unaware of her knowledge about the prophecy and possessing one of his horcruxes.
Dumbledore remains oblivious, completely in the dark about her covert activities.
She considers it a blessing that her friends remain unaware. Among them, only Regulus, Pandora, and Evan are likely associated with Death Eaters. None of them knows she has taken on the role of a spy to prevent them from receiving the Dark Mark, though there lingers the grim chance they might still succumb to it.
What she lacks is an informant within the Death Eaters' ranks – someone to gather critical information.
The prospect of recruiting someone from their circle seems improbable and ethically untenable. She can't bring herself to manipulate her friends into joining the Death Eaters for her gain.
Exhaustion weighs heavily on her as she finally reaches her common room. The pressure of excelling in her studies compounds her stress.
The expectation of perfection is ingrained in her psyche.
After solving the riddle to enter, Josie ascends the girls' dormitory stairs, opting for Helena's room instead of her own.
Upon securing the door behind her, she slumps into a nearby chair.
Helena emerges. "Hello, Josie."
Josephine offers a faint smile. "Hello, m—" She halts, clearing her throat. "Hello, Helena."
Helena doesn't catch her slip of words, easing Josie's concern momentarily.
"I'm trying to study for OWL exams," Josie discloses.
Helena nods understandingly. "Good luck with those. I'm sure you'll achieve remarkable grades, dear."
"Thank you, Helena," Josie replies with a grateful smile, refocusing her attention on her books.
