Don't hurt me.

Chapter 12

So I've been here for about a week now. My mum hasn't come back. I'm actually thankful of that because I know I'll say awful things to her. Finn came and he apologized but I understand why he did what he did. He had too, I'd do the same if it were him. I just wish I could leave this damn place.

I told Finn to tell mum to have them release me but I don't think she wants me back in the house so it was pointless. I'm sure my stepdad is glad I'm out of the house because he hates me so I guess it's good for everyone but me. If I had a choice I'd never have been born.

I hate being in here it makes me think to much. I guess all the things I did were distractions from these thoughts. Everything I did was so I wouldn't think about how fucked I really am. I need to stop these thoughts. I need music to clear my thoughts but I'm not allowed because I could choke myself with headphones. That's stupid. They're paranoid as fuck.

I'd be allowed to use a speaker but I can't have my phone because I can't have contact with anyone. They're afraid I'll have someone bring me drugs or something. Bullshit. I just need music. I need to clear my thoughts. I need to be numb.

Surprise the lovely Carter came to see me. What could she possible want? Does she want to rip my heart out and stomp on it?

"Destin" she begins slowly. "I-I'm sorry okay, I fucked up, I shouldn't have left and now I feel like this is my fault. I fucking love you okay and I can't do a damn thing about it because I have a boyfriend okay, I can't just break up with him. God I want to but I can't. But I can't have you hurting yourself and drinking yourself numb! It hurts me to see you hurting, you frustrate me! God dammit why do you make me love you so much?" She finishes crying.

"Carter" I say, my voice cracking from tears. "Why? Why did you promise me you'd be mine? I should have known you'd find someone new, I was stupid to believe you'd want to be with a weak little boy like me. I want you to be happy so don't worry about me. In fact forget I ever happened because I can't hurt you anymore if I never existed right?" I finish, laughing. She loves someone else.

"Destin, I don't want to forget you. I just want everything to stop being so fucked. I wish I could just be with you. I want all of you. Remember forever? What the fuck happened? We both fucked up okay. To be honest you scare me, what you've become isn't the Destin I know. You're broken and hurt. You've hurt others too. I thought I was supposed to be your first? What the fuck happened?" She yells.

"I fucked up okay. You really wanna know what happened? I was a stupid immature 13 year old who got mixed in with wrong group. You honestly think I wanted to lose it to that girl? I didn't but I thought I was supposed to. That girl made me. I told her I didn't want to but she said that I had to. I was fucking raped okay? I told her I had a girlfriend and that I was saving myself for her but she said that I had to and that my friends told her not to let me out until I lost it, Carter. After that I wasn't the same, I was no longer innocent." I finish. This is the first time I've ever shared that with anyone.

"Destin," she begins, running to me and hugging me. "I had no idea, god dammit I'm fucking sorry for holding that against you! God dammit." She finishes as I kiss her forehead.

"It's fine Carter you didn't know. I understand you have a boyfriend and you can't leave him so I'll wait for you. I'll wait forever if I have to but just know that you have all if my heart, you always have." I say. Before Carter can say anything the nurse enters.

"Miss it's time for you to go, Destin's therapist needs to talk to him." The nurse says and leads Carter out of my room. I mouth 'forever' at her and she smiles and the door closes behind her.

5 minutes later my therapist enters.

"Hello Destin." He says as he sits down across from me. "How're you feeling?" He asks.

"I feel great." I say dryly. "it's great to be locked up like an animal and treated like I could kill myself any minute. It's fucking great, thanks." I say mock happiness dripping from each word.

"Destin you take those pills you can leave." He says.

"Give it a fucking rest mate, I'm not taking them." I say coldly. "You might as well give up its not happening. Now, I believe we're done here so I'd like for you to leave so I can continue to not give a fuck. Have a lovely day!" I say ending with a sarcastically nice voice and get up and walk to my bed shooing him out.

I lay on my bed and after a few minutes he realises I'm serious and leaves. I here the door close behind him and I begin to laugh. God he's such a dick.