Don't hurt me.

Chapter 13

' 1. No drinking.

2. No drugs.

3. No parties.

4. No harming yourself.

5. No leaving whenever you feel.

6. No smoking.

7. Medicine cabinet is off limits.

8. No girls. (No sex)

You are to come home straight after school and do your chores and homework. You are not allowed to stop anywhere or go to the coffee shop. '

I sit there staring at the neatly typed up paper my mum gave me this morning. These are the 'rules' I'll be following when I return home tomorrow. This is the only way I get to return, if I break these rules I get sent back. My mum took my laptop away. My mum also said I get my phone back, she deleted all my numbers now I only have hers, my stepdads, and Finn's. I'm not allowed to get people's numbers, I can't go to mates houses, I can't even stop for a bloody coffee! I'm really going to kill myself at a coffee shop mum. I'm on house arrest basically.

The whole no smoking thing is bullshit. I'm going to smoke all I want. These 'rules' won't last they were just to impress the therapist. Also, she wanted to seem responsible so that they didn't get Child Services on her husband. She told them I imagined it and that it was probably from some weird drug I had used. Bull-fucking-shit! Shows how much my mum cares about me. I don't expect her too after all I messed up her family. It's not exactly something to be proud of, you don't want to go around telling people your kid is mentally unstable. I'm sure she told people I was ill or at boarding school. I'd rather her have just said her sons fucking mental because its true. She believes I'm sick in the head, that must be why she can't look me in the eyes. I'm too sick for her. Maybe she regrets not being able to save me.

I let out a laugh at the thought. My mum saw the issue and did nothing. She shouldn't regret it she's the one who brushed it aside and pretended everything was fine. She saw the cuts, how could she not, they are not exactly subtle. She knew about the parties, I mean I came home drunk every night and she just sat there looking past me never at me. Like I no longer existed. Maybe I didn't exist to her anymore, maybe I died along with my dad, in her mind. She doesn't have a son named Destin, she had a son named Destin. I'm just a ghost to her now.

I know my mum was hurt by my dads death but no one was as hurt as me. After all it was all my fault. No one came out and said this but we all know. I killed my father. I pushed him over the edge. I fucked my family over. That's why my mum no longer loves me. Who could love me? I'm just a useless fuck up. This is the last thought in my head before I feel my eyelids get heavy and eventually droop closed.

I change into my jeans and sweatshirt slipping on my dirty vans, the same clothes I wore when I arrived here. I run my fingers through my hair and pace back and fourth around the room. I've been gone for a month how will I explain this. No one knows were I was except for my family and Carter.....Carter, I choke back tears thinking about her and that deep secret I shared with her. She can't be with me. I'll wait for her no matter how long.

My mum arrives to pick me up offering me a hug. Her arms wrap around me but I don't respond. She pulls back pulling her lips into a thin, tight smile. I can see the hurt in her eyes, I feel guilt pang in my chest. I feel bad for acting so cold towards her but I can't help it.

"Destin, I'm so glad you will be coming home son!" She says the lie so cheerfully only I know she's lying. She's just putting on a show for the workers so they think I'm an even bigger nutcase for messing up such a 'loving' home.

"Ya mum can't wait to be back" I say sarcastically. I'd rather be on the street but that isn't an option. My mum leads me out to the car and I get in the passenger seat. She hands me my cellphone.

"You know the circumstances. Now! About that little stunt you pulled in there, stop will the bullshit Destin you've put this family through hell stop being such a selfish prick!" She hisses at me.

"I'm the selfish prick mum?" I say raising my eyebrow at her "you're the one who lets your husband abuse your kid because you don't want to work. You're the one who pretended nothing was wrong because you needed to maintain that perfect image of yours. If anyone's selfish its you!" I say practically screaming. It feels good to get that off my chest. I look at my mum seeing the hurt and realisation cross her face.

"Destin I-" she begins but I cut her off.

"Save it for someone that has fucks to give mum. I honestly stopped giving a fuck okay." I say dryly as she turns to face the wheel starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot.