Don't hurt me.

Chapter 15

I exit the school building pulling a cigarette out of my pocket. I pull out my lighter, it was once my fathers. I flick it open and light the cigarette, putting the lighter back into my pocket. I turn the opposite way of home and head to St. Bernard church. When I arrive I toss the cigarette onto the ground stepping on it it put it out. I open the huge door and enter. Inside there are four rows of pews and at the front is some big mural and a cross.

I head to the door on the right. So this is it. Here I am standing outside of an teen AA meeting. My mum believes that I have a drinking problem so she signed me up for this. I open the door and all eyes turn in me.

"Welcome, welcome, please have a seat dear" an older woman says. I walk in and take a seat next to some goth looking chick. I look around the room, there aren't many people here yet I must be early.

More people arrive and the meeting begins. Everyone goes around introduces themselves and says why they are addicted to alcohol. The girl next to me is introducing herself. "Hi I'm Violet and I'm 17 and I drink because I like it." She says. Great it's my turn.

"Hi I'm Des I'm 15 and I drink because I killed my dad." I say dryly watching as everyone gives me horrified looks.

"Thank you Des." The women who is running this says. "Now everyone go around and tell everyone about your first time drinking alcohol. Starting with you." She says pointing to some red headed girl that is dressed like a slag and has been giving me suggestive looks. "I started drinking at a party once like a month ago and like I totally love beer. It's so fun to get drunk and have a shag. Like totally." She says in probably the most annoying voice I've ever heard.

Everyone goes around and tells when they started drinking. Next thing I know it's my turn. "Des when did you start drinking and why?" The lady asks.

"I started drinking when I was 13, I had my first sip of alcohol the day after my dads death and after that I couldn't stop. Beers fucking great." I say. God this is pointless. My mum thinks this'll help. She's fucking mental.

After the meeting I start to walk home smoking another cigarette. I reach Carter's house dropping the cigarette and putting it out. I know I smell like smoke but I don't care. I get the urge to go to Carter's but I'm not allowed to speak to girls. I continue to my house and walk inside. My mum comes up and I know she smells the smoke by the look she's giving me.

"Des you know smoking is on the list. Give me your pack now!" She yells. I pull the pack out and place it in her hand.

"This is fucking stupid! Why can't I smoke?" I say agitatedly.

"You can't smoke because you're 15! Where are you getting these from anyway?" She yells/whispers. She doesn't want my stepdad to hear.

"Where I get them is unimportant all you need to know is that I won't stop smoking, would you rather my cut myself instead?" I say looking her right in the eyes. She opens her mouth to say something but I just push past her and go to my room.

-----------------------------------------

It's about 1 in the morning and I'm rummaging through my doors. Ah hah! Right under all my t-shirts I never wear is my bag of weed and paper. I take over to my bedside table lay it out and roll one up. I light it and take a drag. This is my special shit. Only for desperate measures. It's the highest grade pot you can get. So fucking good. After finishing it I go over to my window.

I see Carters bedroom light on and she's pacing back and forth on the phone. She looks upset in fact she's crying. I feel a tug in my chest. I don't like this. I need to comfort her. I grab 2 vans off the floor and tip tow down the steps and out side. Once out there I slip my shoes on and walk over to Carter's window. I pick up a pebble and toss it at her window. How cliche. She opens it and say shock crosses her face. "One moment" she says to the person on the phone and mutes it. "Des what're you doing her?" I can hear that she's been crying.

"I-uh I saw that you were upset and thought I'd see if you were okay." I say nervously. I shouldn't have come. She gets back in the phone. "Look it's late and I have to go. I'll call you tomorrow. Love you too." She says before holding up her hand signalling for me to wait and she walk away from the window. Moments later I hear her front door open.

"Come on. Be quiet mum will freak if she finds out." She says as I sneak in and head up the familiar staircase. I sneak past her parents bedroom and open her door. "You still remember where everything is?" She says in disbelief. "Of course I do. This was my favourite place to be." I say smiling. She begins to laugh. I'm not sure why. "Des you know you have on two different shoes right?" I look down at my feet at start to laugh. She's right I have on one blue van and one red one.

"Oops" I say laughing. I can't stop. Everything's funnier when you're high.

"Des why are you so weird?" Carter asks and I stop laughing for a moment. "Are you high right now?" She asks. "Yeah I am. I'm sorry. I just needed it." I say as she smiles at me. "I don't care if you smoke a little weed if it makes you happy." She says.

I make my way over to Carter's bed slipping my shoes off in the process and sit at the edge of it. I turn to Carter and watch her. She's typing away at her phone angrily and pacing. Her waist length blonde hair is falling down her back in perfect waves. She has on a long familiar band t-shirt that reaches her mid thigh and she's not wearing pants. I blush at this realisation and hide my face. "So uh, who'a shirt is that?" I ask. It looks familiar. It's a black Veil Of Maya shirt. I think I had one like it once. "Oh this? You don't remember? This is yours. You gave it to me before I left." She says. "It's my favourite thing I own." I smile at that.

Something I have her is her favourite thing. That makes me so happy.

"Well, I remember now. Anyway, who was in the phone?" I ask. "It was Jase." She says. "And who's Jase?" I ask knowing the answer. "Jase is my boyfriend." She says, guilt washing over her face. I feel a pang of hurt in my chest. "What did he do to upset you?" I ask trying not to sound upset. "He told me that he thinks I'm going to cheat on him." She says with a small smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "I'm sorry. That's not cool aye! You aren't like that." I say getting angry. "It's okay Des, I feel better now that you're here." She says smiling as she crawls into bed and I lay back and get under the covers. She flicks the light off and I pull her close and we fade off into sleep.