Don't hurt me.

Chapter 16

This is bad. Really really bad. I'd made a mistake going to Carter's. I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't have slept in the same bed as her knowing I can't control my emotions when it comes to her. I fucked up. I kissed her. She pushed me away telling me I should leave. I could see it, the fire burning in her eyes, I had hurt her.

Now here I am pacing my room at 6 in the morning trying to figure out what the fuck my problem is. I walk to the mirror examining myself. My blue eyes held one emotion, sadness, my brown hair a mess from running my hands through it and my scarred arms. Oh god my disgustingly distinctive scars. I ran my hand over them. Tracing each one remembering why'd I'd put them there. I reached my shoulder and stroked my very first scar I'd placed. I remember this one well. Feeling the puckered, smooth skin. This one I'd done with a shard of glass, I was so hurt and I just wanted a distraction from the raging storm inside me. I moved on to the next one. It was a puckered circular scar, the skin not as smooth. I done this one with the burning end of a cigarette. I can remember the burning sensation and smell of burning flesh. The sensation and smell I crave for.

I'm Broken, shattered, fucked. I'm sick. Here I am looking at my disgusting scars and all I can do is think of putting more on my body. I'm mentally unstable. I'm losing it. I saw my strong exterior slipping away revealing the scared little boy that never got to finish childhood. I'd been expected from a vulnerable age to be strong but I didn't know how yet. Before I knew it I was in too deep.

These thoughts stabbing me in the chest. I felt a lump in my throat, I was going to cry. I slid to the floor tears flooding down my face. "I can't be strong anymore, I'm so alone I'm this world. No one understands how broken I am." I say a pathetic sob escaping my lips. A voice spoke in my mind. 'I just want my mum to hold me and tell me it'll be okay'. At that tiny voice my whole word came crashing down as I knew she'd never do that again. I was dead to her.

I was dead. Inside that is. I was a shell of who I once was. The old me cowered and quivered somewhere deep and far inside me. This was too much. I look into the mirror once more seeing a broken battered boy, his eyes were red and puffy and his face had tears running down it. I didn't recognised him. When had I become so weak? Or is it that I was never strong?

I pushed myself off the floor wiping the tears in my sleeve and ran a hand through my hair. I threw some shoes on and walked down stairs and out the front door. As I started down the sidewalk I glanced over at Carters. Whispering "forever, I'll wait forever." It was true. I'd wait forever for her. Hell if she asked me to stay away I would as long as it meant her happiness.

At that moment she exited her house. I had meant to run I truly did but our eyes met making me stop in my tracks. I saw it. I saw the hurt in her eyes, my legs involuntarily started move towards her and before I knew it I was I front of her. My arms betraying me as they reached to cup her face. She flinched. She fucking flinched.

"W-why'd you flinch?" I said knowing the answer. Her eyes looking away. I knew by the bruise forming on her cheek. She thought I was going to hit her because she'd been hit before. "Fuck Carter, who did this?" I said pissed and I cupped her face forcing her to look at me feeling fire course through me. I saw in her eyes a mix of emotion. Her once vibrant green eyes were now dull and sad. I'd fucking kill whoever put that look in her eyes. I'd do anything to bring that vibrant look back.

"It's fine." She said trying to mask the hurt. I saw right through her mask. "I just fell." She finished giving a smile that never reached her eyes.

"No you aren't. It's okay not to be strong sometimes. Tell me who did this so I can fucking kill them." I said through gritted teeth trying up keep my rage at bay. "Destin just go. Before he sees." She says panic filling her sullen eyes. "Before who sees?" I begged. She pushed me away. Feeling cold from the sudden abandonment of her touch.

"Look Des" I winced at the use of my nickname. "Just go. I'm fine. I promise. Please go." She said begging me. Pleading.

"Okay Carter but this isn't over. I will kill whoever did this." This time I didn't even try to mask the rage. I let it out. You could hear the venom in my voice as it pierced the air. As I turned to walk away the door open.

"Who the fuck was that?" A voice says rage evident.

"Just an old friend." Carter squeaks fear in her tone.

I turn and I see a boy not much older than me. He's squeezing her arm so hard his knuckles are white. That'll leave a bruise. So this must be Jase.

"If I see one more bruise on her I swear to fucking god I will not hesitate to end your pathetic life." I say gritting my teeth. My hands ball into fists. "I suggest you let her go. Now!" I feel like I'm going to explode. The rage making my vision go blurry as he lets her go and I turn on my heel walking away. "I will know if she has another bruise" I say. "I'll check" I finish sounding sinister.

"Carter come with me." I say not giving her the choice to refuse. I grab her hand and lead her away from him walking in the opposite direction of school. School isn't an option right now.

"Why do you take that from him?" I ask quietly softening up from her hand being in mine. "I don't know" she frowns. But i know, fear. It's the same way with my stepdad. Standing up to him only meant a worse beating. "I get it Carter, you know, being afraid." She nodded understanding what I meant.

I look at our intertwined fingers and smile. My smile quickly fades when I realise I forget a jacket and my scars were visible. I don't want the stares. Fuck. I get treated like a freak.

"Carter, I uh forgot my jacket." I say sheepishly a blush creeping onto my face.

"Destin, it's blazing out here. You don't need it." She says knowing why I needed it. Then she did the unexpected. She kissed them. All of them leaving a burning sensation. Until she reached my shoulder pulling on my shoulders lowering my head to her level and she kissed me.

This kiss sent waves of heat through my body making me feel alive. Intensifying the kiss a wound my hand in her hair and with my free arm bring her closer. God I wanted her close. I licked her lips asking for entrance and she let me in. So much fire exploding in that moment. I let out a small grunt from the back of my throat.