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DAISY DAWSON

Grief - it reveals and portrays itself in many different ways, mine was a dull pain in my chest barely detectable, an endless fatigue with heavy eyes and empty humming mind, Rafe's seemed to be self destruction, our days together would pass by running around me whilst I stayed put, he would come by my side trying to offer any condolences but they were never sober, he would slink away to rack up a line whenever he could thinking my mute self hadn't noticed but of course I had -

I would never tell him how to grieve, it was his sister after all but he was also grieving us, the parts of ourselves that we had lost from this whole ordeal, he didn't believe he was good anymore and I barely had a flame burning within me anymore.

The only thing not lost was our love, even as I sat silently not uttering a word days on end he would lay beside me rubbing circles over my back telling  me stories about his day, even if I didn't reply I still appreciated how he cared for me.

I still noticed every detail about him, his face had somehow become sharper, he had grown more broad and his once neat slick back hair had fallen into messy curtains, my beautiful boy.

As he rambled on about his day I turned to face him, he had become so accustomed to a blank stare he hadn't even noticed and continued rambling staring at the ceiling.

"Your hair, it's different" I spoke interrupting him, the first words I'd spoken in weeks that were actually coherent.

He whipped his head to me, eyes wide for a moment before quickly softening as I reached out to fiddle with his newly styled hair, his eyes closed at my feel of my touch that he had been yearning for as he held my hand to his face, we laid beside each other face to face.

"It's going to get better Dais"

"I know" I whispered letting a small smile creep onto my face, a hopeful smile.

I hadn't seen or heard from the Pogues since that night, I expected to feel disappointed about it, I kept trying to reach down to feel something but the conclusion always came to they could never fill the void of my heart like Rafe could.

I suppose I was a little angry that they hadn't reached out - they didn't even know where I was living I could've packed up and left OBX for all they knew but none the less It all simmered down to that I just didn't care, I decided against finding them, I knew they had suffered a loss great as mine yet I feared one look at them would bring the potent pain crashing through the flood gates again.

I snapped out my thoughts returning back to Rafe,

"We should probably get you out today" he spoke softly stroking his course knuckles over my cheek - a juxtaposition I loved about him.

"I know" I nodded.

"Come on" he pulled me up.

We wandered through the streets hand in hand with no destination in mind, eyes fixed on us with every passing - all full of questions that they had no right to an answer.

With every whisper Rafe would somehow stand taller and more tense, squeezing his hand to assure him it was fine held him off pouncing on every one of them, suddenly his phone rang.

"Hello" he answered.

I stood beside him watching his face become stern as his lips were pulled into a straight line.

"yeah uh i'm on my way" he sighed ending the call.

"Who was that?"

"My dad, need to go to the house to discuss some business" he stared at his feet.