Only the Brave

Chapter 29: Full Moon

The Rubik's cube he gifted James for Christmas rests on a pillow next to them, the voice of Edith Piaf floating from it, wrapping them in the song. It's not the same as having a record player and being able to choose what to listen to, but it's something.

The maroon throw over the bed is a little creased, tugged up in places from where they gripped it in their passion earlier. The fireplace burns pleasantly, soft cracking sounds and golden light pouring from it. Regulus wishes he could bottle this moment and preserve it forever.

Today, things are good. Nobody has been informed of any deaths or disappearances. There have been no whispers of war. They're just two students who happen to be in love in a school in Scotland.

It's a soft day.

For the past half an hour, James has been trying to memorize the words to Hymne a l'amour. His French is truly atrocious, and he's butchering the song, but Regulus simply won't stop him. He likes James like this, unguarded, passionate, determined to learn something new. It reminds him of the early nights on the owlry roof when he kept working on the puzzle until he could solve a cube without trouble.

"I can't meet you tomorrow," James says when the music stops. He seems to have decided he's had enough and doesn't re-activate the cube like he's been doing until now.

Regulus looks up from where he's drawing shapes on James' smooth and muscular back with his finger. They're in the replica of his room at home, lying on his bed together. James is facing down, stomach pressed against the soft covers.

"Why?"

"Need to help Sirius with something," James replies casually.

Regulus scowls even though James can't see his face. "Can't you help him during the day?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Why doesn't Lupin help him?" Regulus asks. James winces, and Regulus cocks an eyebrow. "What the fuck is going on?"

James rolls around with a sigh so he can look up at Regulus, who has clambered to his knees so he can better make his unhappiness known. James works his jaw, like he's tasting words and discarding them. Trying to figure out what to say. It makes Regulus anxious.

"Ah. They... it's complicated," James says eventually.

"Don't tell me Sirius is still pining for Lupin?" Regulus asks, appalled. Doesn't his brother retain even a shred of dignity?

James' mouth falls open. "How do you know that?"

"I'm observant," Regulus replies primly.

He has also been keeping an eye on Sirius, because on more than one occasion Regulus has noticed Sirius trying to catch him alone. He's not ready for that, so he's been paying attention to ensure his brother can't ambush him, but that part he's not going to tell James.

"Can't we meet for an hour? Surely, he doesn't need you all night," Regulus insists.

"Hey. I know. I'll miss you, too." James presses a soft kiss to Regulus' arm, the closest part of his body to James' face right now. "But my friends do need me, and it's just one night. Alright?"

Annoyed, Regulus reaches for a cigarette and sits at the edge of the bed to smoke it. He can't tell James that one night matters. Every second matters. Never before in his life has Regulus been more attuned to the passing of time.

January is almost over. Three months have become barely two. He's running out of nights, and Regulus doesn't know how to cope with this knowledge. This secrets he's keeping from James become heavier to carry with every waking moment, dragging him down and making him feel like he's drowning with no chance of breaking the surface.