Only the Brave

Chapter 9: Matchmaker Meadowes

Regulus would very much like to stop needing to hide in empty classrooms to have meltdowns. This is ridiculous. He doesn't do this shit. He's cool, collected. He's Regulus Fucking Black, master of his emotions, chairman of his body. He's a dragon, for fucks sake. His friends said so.

And yet. He's hiding in a room and hyperventilating.

Again.

Seriously pathetic. He kissed Barty yesterday and didn't have a breakdown over it. A proper kiss, with tongues and everything! And he was fine. In fact, it was all very civil. Barty gave him some pointers for improvements. Regulus thanked him. Barty expressed gratitude that Regulus had helped him out. They re-confirmed that they had agreed never to do it again. Case closed. No dramatics. No displays of emotion of any kind.

But James fucking Potter winks at him and he's on the verge of literal death.

Regulus is overwhelmed. Because James. Did James just? Was he... he said his eyes are lovely. And he... he implied that he... maybe?

Regulus doesn't know what to think.

The idea that James might not be straight is outlandish. It goes against everything Regulus knows about him. James is the typical teenage douchebag. Isn't he?

Arrogant, because he's attractive and he knows it. Superficial, because he's only dated other hot people. Loud and obnoxious because he loves attention. He's self-righteous and a hot head.

Regulus knows that none of these things are mutually exclusive with being queer.

It's just. Well.

James can't like boys, can he? This has to be an elaborate prank. Except. He said it wasn't. Regulus knows better than to simply believe someone's word, but James does have a point. It doesn't make sense. If this was a prank, it would go down differently. Regulus has seen—and been the victim of, along the rest of Slytherin—a hundred pranks over the years. This is not their modus operandi.

So, then what is happening? Why?

The cigarettes in his pocket are calling him. He wants nothing more than to ditch lessons and go somewhere to smoke. The fact that it was James Potter of all people who got these to him is mindboggling. It's hurting Regulus' brain to try and work this out. 

Because. If James does like boys. Then what? It's one thing to accept the earth-shattering truth that James could be queer. It's another thing entirely that he would like Regulus.

He can't.

Someone like James Potter doesn't like someone like Regulus Black.

Loud and obnoxious doesn't go well with mean and quiet. And yes, Regulus is horrifically attracted to James but that's because Regulus is broken. Any normal, sane person would be repulsed by their opposite. Especially if their opposite is the Heir to the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black.

But James said—

No.

He's not going there. Not now. Not ever. He needs to focus. Think about revenge, and everything he needs to learn and do before it's time. He needs to figure out how to sort out the mess they've made of things—Barty and Regulus—and fix it with Evan. Because he doesn't know they kissed and he's still giving them the cold shoulder over the Charms lesson situation. If Evan finds out they made out, he'll kill them both in their sleep. As much as Regulus sympathises, he can't die. Not yet. He's got a revenge plan to enact.

So. He's got a lot going on and James Potter will not derail him. He won't allow it.

Regulus has half a mind to throw the cigarettes away, but he can't bring himself to doing it. No matter where they came from, the truth is that he's been dying to get his hands on some. It would be fucking stupid to not take advantage of this.