Only the Brave

Chapter 37: Unbreakable Vow

It takes Sirius all of one second to figure out something is horribly wrong with James. Not even Remus attempting to distract him by putting on his shirt way too slowly works. With a frown to rival one of Regulus' bests, Sirius crosses their room to stand in front of James and puts his hands on his shoulders.

"Who am I punching today?" Sirius asks one hundred percent seriously.

"It's fine, Pads," James says, voice a little raspy from the crying, screaming and throwing up. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine," Sirius insists. "You look like a bee stung your eyeballs!"

"What's going on?" Peter asks, emerging from the bathroom with a yawn. "Oh. What happened James? You alright?"

"I am fine," James insists, knocking Sirius' hands off his shoulders.

Sirius and Peter exchange glances. Making the most of the momentary reprieve, James begins to yank on his clothes. He has a plan. A plan to get Regulus back. He's going to find him, and apologise for being so intense, and tell Regulus that he likes it like this, too. There's no need to talk about the future just yet. He can take things slow. One day at a time. Easy. Like normal people do.

Will Regulus see through this very blatant lie? It's a coin toss.

But James cannot go down without a fight. It feels like the future, and the Black family, and the war are a storm gathering over him and Regulus and James is ready for it. He's fucking ready to go up against the elements. He'll stay on their ship and battle with the wind and the waves for as long as he's breathing. If there is one thing James knows for certain, it's that he'd rather go down and sink all the way to the bottom of the pit of despair currently nesting in his gut than to abandon this love just to stay afloat.

That's a coward's way out.

James will either sail the ship to safe harbour or die trying. Metaphorically speaking.

"Prongs?" Sirius asks, and James realises that his friends have been having a sort of silent conversation with each other while he's been busy trying to get himself dressed.

"I don't want to talk about it," he says without looking up from his socks. His socks are dirty. He can't wear these socks. He needs clean socks.

Turning to his trunk, because James never fully unpacks, much to Remus' eternal annoyance, he shuffles over to find clean socks and stubs his toe on the corner of it.

"Fuck!" James shouts.

That's it. That's all it takes for him to start crying again. It's so pathetic. Why is he crying over a stubbed toe? For Merlin's sake. James wipes his face furiously and ends up knocking off his glasses. He cries harder.

"Prongs." Sirius is next to him, cleaning his glasses with the t-shirt under his school shirt. "Let me, okay?"

"So—socks," James keens, pitifully, embarrassingly. He feels like a child.

Gently, Sirius rummages through James' trunk and finds him a pair of clean socks. He then carefully pushes James back to sit on his bed, places his glasses back on his face, and kneels by James' feet. James is still softly weeping as Sirius puts on his socks for him with so much care, James feels like he's breaking in half.

"Go on," Sirius says to Remus and Peter, who are watching the scene with concerned expressions. "We'll catch up."

"We'll save you a seat," Peter tells them before leading a hesitant Remus out of the room.

"I'm sorry," James says when they're alone. "I don't... this is so stupid. I'm sorry."

"Come on," Sirius replies, moving to sit next to James on the bed. "How many times have you dressed or undressed me? About time I got to repay the favour."