Only the Brave

Chapter 40: Believe this

Six years ago, Regulus got off the train in Hogsmeade and thought he might, perhaps, be sick all over his shiny new Hogwarts robes. His eleven-year-old self was incredibly nervous—wishing to be sorted into Slytherin but hoping for Gryffindor—and afraid. Regulus remembers wishing he could cling to his brother's sleeve for longer, wishing Sirius could stay with him until the hat was placed upon his head. Hoping, small and afraid, that he'd be sent to the same house as his brother and that Sirius would never leave his side again.

Today, Regulus steps off the train and climbs a carriage pulled by Thestrals—he's been able to see them since Christmas—and knows that the only reason he's not been sick all over himself is that he's got unparalleled self-control, because his insides are a riot. Next to him, Evan is rigid and Barty keeps throwing careful glances at Regulus, possibly half-expecting him to start shooting curses left, right and centre. He's in a foul mood, and his friends have picked up on it.

Through the carriage window, Regulus gets a glimpse of Hogwarts and tastes bile in the back of his mouth. James is in the castle, waiting. Unaware.

The brand on the inside of Regulus' arm stopped hurting a few days ago, blending into his skin and going to sleep unless woken up by Riddle himself. And yet, as the Thestrals pull and they get closer to school, Regulus swears he can feel it itching.

"I can't fucking stand this," Barty blurts all of a sudden. Evan looks at him, blinking in confusion. Regulus, for his part, has a good idea of what's coming. He knows Barty well enough.

Leaning forward, elbows on his knees, Barty looks at Regulus first. "Reg, you were a right dick to Evan." Then at his boyfriend, sitting next to him in the carriage. "Evan, you probably should have known better than to visit Reg when he was in pain. He's mean at the best of times, what the fuck were you expecting? Now, please, let's just... move on? This is awkward and I hate it."

The truth is, Regulus isn't even annoyed at Evan anymore. He's not even being difficult on purpose, for a change. He's just fucking stressed because he's going to break up with his boyfriend as soon as dinner is over, and then shortly after, he's going to pretend to break up with his best friend, too.

Excuse him if Evan's feelings are not top of mind for Regulus right now. But he does understand, albeit a bit distantly at the moment, that once he cuts Dorcas off, he'll wish he had Barty and Evan. Because yes, the fight with Dorcas is going to be fake, but it will mean Regulus cannot be seen with her anymore which reduces quite drastically their options for spending time together.

Besides, James and his friends have that fucking map and Regulus can't risk it. Genuinely, Regulus hates them and their freaking genius.

"I don't have a problem if he doesn't have a problem," Regulus says coolly.

Evan rolls his eyes. "It's not very nice being your friend, you know?"

"We're not friends with him for the warmth and cuddles though," Barty points out, nudging Evan with his elbow. "That's your job, not his."

"What's my job?" Regulus asks, momentarily distracted from his impending doom. Trust Barty to mange that.

"To take down our enemies and drown them in their own blood, obviously," Barty says primly. "And to help us with the shit no one else can help with."

Despite himself, Regulus finds a small smile reaches his lips. For Barty. Because Regulus gets it. Barty would never come to Regulus about a mundane issue. A fight with Evan or stress about exams? Not a chance. He'd never expect Regulus to listen to a minor rant about daily woes or to even help Barty with homework. Those things are for Barty to deal with and Regulus never to hear about.