Only the Brave

Chapter 43: Near the end, where it all begins

"Piece of cake," Sirius says, throwing an arm over James' shoulders as he walks out of the practical portion of their DADA exam. It's the very last NEWT before they leave Hogwarts for the final time tomorrow.

"You have literally said that about every exam this week," James points out to Sirius.

He rolls his eyes dramatically. "As if. You've got this in the bag, and then we're done. We're free, Prongs!"

"Yeah, free to march straight to the front lines of a war," James says under his breath to avoid being overheard.

Sirius flinches but refuses to drop the smile on his face. "I know it's not ideal, but we're still us, Prongs. We're going to be fine. We're going to win. Save the world, you and I. Remember?"

"I do," James says, and he offers Sirius the closest thing to a smile he can manage these days. It's enough to fool most people. Not Sirius.

James knows he has noticed. It would be impossible for Sirius not to, considering how attuned they are to each other. But Sirius has, mercifully, not said anything to him just yet. Like he's giving James a sort of grace period. And James has no idea how long Sirius considers appropriate, but he's worried it won't be long enough.

Some days, James feels mostly alright. Others, he thinks he'll never be fine again.

Today, thanks to the distraction of exams, he's leaning towards 'it'll pass, eventually' and he can only hope that's true. He thinks that leaving Hogwarts will be good for him. Regulus once said to him 'you're my boyfriend in here' and James didn't really think much of it then, but now it makes sense. Out there, there's a whole world where James can exist without the memory of Regulus.

Perhaps he'll find his smile beyond the walls of Hogwarts.

"Remus," Sirius breathes as their friend exits the classroom, gesturing wildly for his boyfriend to come join them.

Marlene is next one in, and she marches towards the classroom with her wand gripped in her hand and her chin raised in defiance, like instead of an examination she's facing the gallows. Dorcas watches her go with a fond expression softening the corners of her mouth.

"How did it go?" Sirius asks Remus, slyly linking their hands together in their robes so they can't be seen.

"Pretty good, I reckon," Remus replies. "You alright, James? Sucks being last."

James shrugs. Nothing he can do about it, but yeah. Not ideal. The anticipation is a bit hard to manage but he's got practice with Quidditch games. Peter walks down the corridor where they're waiting and comes to join them from his fourth trip to the bathroom. His stomach hasn't been coping very well with NEWTs stress.

Behind him, the girls approach, too. Lily, Mary and Dorcas. Fretting a bit, Lily calls to Remus, "Hey, Remus. Was it alright?"

"Yeah, yours?"

Both Mary and Lily nod, though Lily does a lot more confidently than Mary. "I messed up one of the shields," Mary groans. "But I think the rest was alright? We'll see."

"You'll be fine," Lily says supportingly.

Dorcas groans. "It's my turn next. Right after Marls."

"Good luck, Meadowes," James says.

They've grown closer, him and Dorcas. There are things only she understands. Things James can't tell Sirius because the person who broke James' heart is Sirius' little brother, and that means Sirius' heart broke too. In a different way. A harsher way. But broken still.

Sirius went to talk to Regulus one night, and when he came back he made it clear in no uncertain terms that nobody was ever to bring up the subject of his brother to him. There was a harshness to his face James had very rarely seen before, pain masked as rage. Sirius built himself a wall around all things Regulus and he won't let anyone in. Not James. Not Remus. And James won't try, because Sirius deserves to find peace any way he can.