Only the Brave

Chapter 47: To prove a point

It's wrong of him, Sirius knows, that he hasn't even been to see Peter. He feels vaguely bad about it, but not enough to make him move away from the side of James' bed. Nothing will make him move until James opens his eyes.

He's been unconscious for three days. Three days that Sirius has stood vigil at the side of his bed. He hasn't even showered. Hasn't changed out of the clothes he wore for the mission. If anyone has a problem with it, they can argue with the wall.

Sirius isn't leaving until James is walking right next to him out that door.

They've been told he will recover. He will wake up. He just needs time for his brain to heal from the severe concussion he suffered from the fall.

A miracle, they've called it. James fell off his broom from way higher than, say, a Quidditch match and yes, he broke more than a few bones and got a bad concussion but didn't die. Nobody understands how it happened.

Sirius remembers it like he's watching it happen right now. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees it again. James, distracted, staring at the Death Eater that had been until that moment chasing Sirius. James' lips whispering something Sirius couldn't make out. The way James' eyes widened when the red light caught him. How his body slid sideways.

A single thought in Sirius' mind: not James.

Then Sirius was gripped by a feeling of panic so strong it robbed him of breath as he flattened himself against his broom and dove for James as fast as he possibly could. Faster. Faster. Almost vertical. An insane dive. An impossible dive.

He didn't make it.

Sirius watched from his broom how James was swallowed by shadows. A dip in the ground, right below where James crashed. Sirius was too late to catch him. He didn't make it, but he heard the thud with which James hit the ground, swallowed by darkness for a moment.

When he landed, Sirius' knee popped with an ugly sound, but he paid it no mind. What is physical pain when your soulmate is lying unconscious and broken on the ground? Sirius skid over the wet grass, his knee screaming at him in agony, and came to a stop right next to James. And found, with profound relief, that he was alive. Impossibly alive.

Things after that are a bit of a blur. Molly shot the sparks that indicated she'd canvassed the house and they could flee and people started to apparate away. Marlene landed heavily next to them, and then Sirius took James' body and left. He didn't look back. Didn't think of anyone or anything else.

"Sirius?" Effie asks, walking into the room in the hospital with a steaming cup of coffee in her hand. "Here. Have this."

Sirius takes it, and Effie squeezes his shoulder affectionately. She's been here with him the entire time, too. Monty comes and goes, spending as much time as he can with James. Unfortunately, things at the Ministry are worse than ever so he can't take a break. He's away right now, in some Wizengamot meeting or other. Sirius doesn't know. Doesn't care.

There is no war outside these walls. It's all in Sirius' chest. Because something happened when they were flying. Something distracted James, and Sirius needs to know what it is so he can make sure it never happens again. It's grating against the corners of his mind. Could he have done anything differently? Saved James this pain?

"Stop that," Effie says firmly. "It's not healthy. What happened happened. You can't change it, and replaying it in your mind helps no one."

"How do you know that's what I was doing?"

"I'm your mother," she replies, and Sirius feels his breath hitch. She's said it many times before. Enough that Sirius doesn't burst into tears whenever she does. But still. "James made a mistake. He's not perfect. But he's going to be okay. None of it is your fault."