Fresh Hope

29 floating

11am.

Ring Ring.

"Hey, is that you here, ok, I'm making my way to the elevator, see you in the next few minutes."

Hoseok walks towards the elevators. He's going for a special lunch. It's his sister birthday soon but he won't be with her so they are spending the day together, just the two of them.

"Hey, happy new year," Ji says as Hoseok enters the car.
"Yes, and to you," he replies, leaning over to give her a hug.
"Anything special you want to do? Any shops you would like to go to?, I'm buying?" He's says with a cheery smile.
Ji can tell there's something wrong still. She had hoped that Hoseok would have sorted it by now and that he would be on his way to happiness. By the looks of his eyes, he's either been drinking, which isn't like him, He's not slept, or he's been crying. For now, she decides to let him continue with his cheery façade. She knows her brother, and if he wants to talk, he will. If he doesn't open up himself by the end of the day, she will just ask. He can't keep things from her.
The siblings go to Tiffany's, and Hoseok gifts her a beautiful necklace and bracelet set. They walk along the streets, stopping at a vendor for hot chocolates. While walking and talking about her schedules for the new year, Ji leaves opportunities for her brother to add about his schedules. The team has a few awards shows on the horizon. It's great to see the group getting the recognition they deserve. The last 6 years have not been the easiest.
"I've got a new collection coming out in the spring. I'm looking forward to being part of the production process this time, " Ji adds.
He's lost in his head for a moment but snaps back to the moment. "Hey, we are near the old play park here. Let's head that way!" Says Hoseok. The pair have been walking towards Central Park and now have a destination of sorts.

When the siblings were younger, they played at a local park near their home in 광주 (Gwangju). They enjoyed playing together.
Once at the ancient playpark, they see that its empty. "Yes, I bet I can go higher on the swings," taunts Ji. She knows Hoseok doesn't like heights, but he hates losing too. They race over and are full of laughter. It's a race now to see who can get the highest. After a few minutes, they both give in and just enjoy the feeling of the wind on their faces and the floating sensation.
"Hoseok, we are celebrating my birthday. So I get whatever I want?" Ji states.
"Of course, what else would you like?" He's says while leaning back and closing his eyes. This is a feeling he enjoys. He could swing like this for ages. Ji can see he's at peace right now, so let's have him have this time.

With his eyes closed and feeling free, his mind turns to you. It's the first time in about 2 hours he's let you fill his minds eye. Your face is peaceful as you lay sleeping. The smile you would give him when he would video call. The laugh you couldn't hold when you were telling a story of your childhood or a friend that did something ridiculous. How you felt in his arms. The smell of your shampoo is so strong in his memory that he has to stop himself from screaming out loud. He can't fall apart, there's too much to do, and he needs to be present with his sister. He doesn't get to see her as much as he once did.

When he sits up and opens his eyes, he looks towards his sister. She's stopped her swing and is just watching her baby brother.

"What, do I have something on my face?" he asks, reattaching the smile.
"Hoseoksii, you don't have to fake it with me." she can tell that he's hurting and just needs him to know that she's there for him.
"It's OK, it's nothing. Just, well, we should concentrate on celebrating you today, leave my stuff to me. " he stands in front of her, "time for a birthday piggyback, jump on. "
How the roles have reversed, as kids Ji would be the one to carry Hoseok.
Now swinging her legs like a kid, Hoseok walks towards the parks exit. They have reservations to get to.
While walking, Ji talks to the back on his head. "Tell me, how did your reconciliation with your Nuna go? You said you would keep me updated, and so far, you haven't said anything, and you're kind of miserable, so it probably didn't go well. Tell me and I can try to help!"

"Well, we spoke, talked out a few things, and then we decided that she needs to really take time to sort herself out." Hoseok holds back. He knows how he handled things were very wrong, and he's already feeling horrible about it. He doesn't want to ruin the day. Changing the subject,
"I wonder what to get for lunch. Hey I should choose for you and vice versa!"

In the booth, the lunch is almost finished.
"OK, so my last birthday wish!"
She has a smile on her face, and she waves her hands. Hoseok looks up from his plate. He loves it when his sister is excited. "I wonder what it is this time. A new watch? How about a pair of Louboutin heels?" He guesses.

"I want,...... the truth. " she changes her happy smile to a sneer. Eyes fixed on his, he's almost paralysed by them. "You might as well tell me, coz I will go find her and ask her myself."
This thought terrifies him more than never seeing you again.

"OK, OK." Hoseok knows he has no choice. His sister is going to see a different side of him, one that he doesn't even recognise. "I could give you all the details, like I usually do, but I can't bring myself to say it out loud."
She lifts her drink and offers it to him "drink this and spill" half a glass of red wine. He downs it.
"So, I found her that evening. We got to talking, ironed out some wrinkles. Talked about moving forward and how I wanted to be there for her. We agreed that it would be slow going forward but that each day was a fresh start. She tried to tell me something, and I thought she was just going to tell me how we should only be friends and she didn't want me romantically. If only." He grimaces at how much easier that would have been, "It turned out she had almost had sex with someone else. After I had, In her mind 'rejected her', then she realised she was wrong and came to find me to tell me, and I just kept telling her, we can talk about that later. I was pushing it away, thinking I was getting rejected."
Ji looks at him from across the table.
"OK, so she kissed someone and fooled around a bit. You weren't together yet, but yeah, I get why you would be annoyed. You love her. " he looks at his sister. Fuck it must be so obvious so her.

Bracing himself he continues,
"That's not everything. And it's this part that I'm ashamed of. I confronted her about it, we argued and then confessed to each other our feelings." He's looking off into the distance as if watching it play out. "Ji, I'm not good for her, I basically used her body, and left" he puts his head in his hands and hides his pain and shame.
"Fuck, you really are a guy. Like a proper fuck boy." Ji is finding it difficult to see her brother in front of her right now. She is imagining how she would feel if this situation was hers. To be fucked over by someone you love.
Wow.
She has to be objective that's what he needs "Hoseoksii, your not a bad person, you made a bad choice. When you told her about taking time apart how did she take it?"

He looks over with a sheepish face "I don't know, when she fell asleep, I left. I've not spoke to her since."

"Oh Hoseok, you really made a bad choice."
She looks around and leans closer and lowers her voice, "you are so fucking lucky we are in a public place or I would be smacking you round the head with these winter boots. What a fucking arsehole."

"I know, I'm a bastard." He looks pale. "Her flight is at 5pm, so she will be on her way to the airport. I've been diverting her calls and messages. If she tries to contact me that is. I wrote her a letter. Nicole will have delivered it by now"
"My dear brother, you, your different. I had a feeling that you would be able to open up to her and speak your mind and finally, possibly find happiness. Maybe your not ready and she's not the one. Or maybe she is and it's not your time. Or you've royally fucked up and she will never forgive you, she will buy a bunch of cats and get arthritis at a young age having sworn off men for life." You talk it thought, Ji gives you her unfiltered opinion, that instead of fucking her, you should have left and slept on it.
It's not then end of the birthday lunch you had planned but at least it's ended.