Fresh Hope

23 Confessions

The girls are in the suite. They give you a sheepish smile. When you enter.
"Eh, what's with the faces?" You ask.
Jade bursts out laughing.
"Someone has been getting busy." She's on her feet to make sex moves. "I thought you would have been away longer,"
Everyone's laughing, but you. "No, I haven't, I've just been hanging out." You glare at Lee.
"I didn't say anything. It was that dragon eyes guy." Shit they spoke with Nam, what was said.

The girls explained that Nam saw them in the bar, they had decided to have drinks and forgot to go back to you in the lounge.  He said, "That Jin, had taken you upstairs. So, is your 'friend' the one from the lounge?' He's hot, like smoking hot, I'm so proud of you!" Perry's clapping her hands like a seal.
What? they think my secret friend is Jin, oh fuckballs.

"No, I'm not with Jin. He's like a brother. Yeah, he's very good-looking and sweet, but no, I'm not with Jin. Anyway, idols don't date. It's in their contract or something." making your exit, you say,"It's been a long day, I think I'm gonna have an early night. " That's when you spot the blankets and pillows on the sofas.  "Nope, it's a slumber party, we will allow you 30 minutes for a shower and pyjama's"

There's no escaping this.
But you know what, it's what you need and it's part of the reason you came. To hang out with your friends.

Showered and Pyjama's on. The girls have chosen some movies, there's pop corn, candy, crisps and lots of soda and hot chocolates. Watching a comedy, you're all laughing, Jade's got tears rolling down her face and holding her side. It's a great night. The girls talk about the trip and what they have planned for the New Year celebrations. There's a party the girls (and you) are going to. They got you an outfit for it. You really need to be more present with them. I'm feeling a little upset with yourself for having Hoseok in your head too much.

"Girls, listen, if I've been distracted lately, and  I'm sorry."
They look at you with confusion. "Hey, Huni, what do you mean? You have been through a shit few months, and we get that." Responds, Perry.
"Well, thanks, but I mean, here." You say. Taking a breath, it's time you talk to them, really talk. You tell them about Hoseok, how you guys became friendlier than you had previously mentioned to them. That since L.A. you guys have been building your friendship, the flirting online, the random phone calls, and then the times you have seen each other on this trip. How you had crossed the friendship line, how you had argued. How you had talked things out.

"Well how have you not fucking exploded?"
Asked Lee. "I knew there was more to 'just someone who I met while working, like a staff member ', holy shit"
It's Jade that makes you laugh, "I'm so fucking proud of you, not only did you break that seal, you bagged a massive upgrade in the process."

But what you needed to talk about was Jin. How to handle it.

"What I need is opinions. Please wait till I've finished before you say anything or hit me, ok?"

You tell them about Jin. In full. The kindness, the feeling vulnerable and wanted after what felt like a rejection and dismissal from Hoseok. It's a few minutes of silence. "Huni, we love you, we only wants what's best for you. So you want to be with Hoseok but you swapped some saliva with his band mate? Got a little frisky?"  Asks Lee.

"Jin, is more like his big brother. I feel like shit and I want to tell Hoseok. I know we aren't together as a couple but I can't keep it from him. What if in months or years it comes out. He will feel so betrayed"

It's Perry who speaks next.
"You aren't dating him, so no, I'm my opinion, you didn't do anything wrong. . Its not like you committed adultery. He cant be mad at you for this, did his brother know about what guys had done?"

Lee "it is a grey area, you had been intimate with him but he did talk shit about it and didn't give you any comfort, when you did speak up, I would think he could see it from your view. He made you feel unwanted. It could have been anyone but it just happened to be his brother"

jade "you have just come out of a relationship that fucked you over , it was wrong. You kissed him knowing you basically had his bros DNA swimming round your gut, then you went with him and gave the green light for him to touch you. You need to tell him and soon, Hope he can forgive you and that it doesn't affect his relationship with his brother and band member."

You know that you need to tell him.
They all have differing options but in the end its yours that matter.

"As for Jin knowing about Hoseok and I, I didn't say, that we had been intimate but I did nod my head when he asked if had become physical.  As for me, yeah I did kiss him, but I was feeling vulnerable, then my hormones took over, I did stop it though. I do need to speak to him. But when I tried to bring it up he just said we can talk later."