Just Us

chapter twelve

Embracing the idea of love is very heartwarming and touching to other people. Yung isang bagay na sa haba-haba ng pagtanggi mo at tuluyan mo ng niyakap sa sarili mo ay napakasarap sa pakiramdam. You can finally embrace and let the person feel your feelings. It is happy and romantic for other people but those adjectives is not applicable to me.

It was a terrifying feeling, a feeling that I feel whenever I watch horror films, it was giving me chills, suspense and fear...not to be rejected but to feel that I am not the one that she deserves.

Natatakot akong sumugal at ubusin ang lahat ng kasama siya at malaman kong hindi ako ang para sa kaniya pero may kagustuhan sa loob ko na gusto kong maramdaman.

I wanted to feel being inlove and being loved by the same person.

Sugal ang pagmamahal sabi ni Maureen. Hindi ko malalaman kung mananalo ako kung hindi ko susubukan.

"Love is everyone. Walang pinipiliin kasarian, edad, estado... Kapag timamaan ka..sapul. Hindi ka na makakatakbo...at kung susubukan mong takbuhan lalo ka lang gagambalain."

Those were the lines from Maureen that kept knocking onto me bago ko pingpasyahang akyatin ang unit ni Mackenzie.

Sinubukan kong mag-isip ng masasaya at magagandang bagay para maiwasang sumagi sa isip ang mga negatibong suhestiyon ng utak.

I was practicing the dialogue and sighed repeatedly after trying so many lines to open the topic. Pero halos mapasabunot ako sa ulo ko nang mapatunayang ang corny lahat ng gusto kong sabihin.

Napatingin ako sa sarili sa wall na salamin ng elevator at kitang-kita ko ang determinasyon. It was a boost for my self-confidence.

"If you think she is worth it and you can give up the life that you have as a playgirl Amarah, then fight for it. Hindi mo naman gusto siguro na mahuli pa ang lahat."

She was and still very worth it. I want to have her and I wanted to show the love tht I have for her.

Sinalubong ako nang matamis na ngiti ng babaeng simula nang dumating sa buhay ko ay nagpagulo na sa akin pagkabukas na pagkabukas ko pa lang ng pinto. I gulped as I slowly pushed the door to close. Her smiles are always as intoxicating as her kisses. But knowing how untangle my mind right now, hindi ko masuklian ang ngiting ibinibigay niya.

She seems to notice it, making her lose her smile slowly before walking on a slow phase towards me. "What's wrong?" she gently asked, kasabay nito ang paghawak niya sa kamay ko.

Her brows furrowed and her eyes reflect how concerned she is.

It was a simple gesture, yet my heart...the heart that I owned and promised not to love someone was beating so fast with the same girl I broke my own rules for.

"I went to a bar." I started narrating where I went earlier. Her eyes are still confused, but when she hears what place I am in earlier, it falter. I heard her take a breath, and gently close her eyes.

And fuck myself for hoping that she was jealous. Funny how I loathed jealous and possessing types but I wanted her to be jealous. I want to see her being jealous! I will die for her jealous side.

Show me, baby please. Show me your jealousy and imperfections!

"You should sit first," I saw how she gulped before guiding me to the couch. Hinayaan ko lang hindi dahil wala akong magagawa pero gusto ko ang pakiramdam. I want it so bad. Her version of taking care of me. She was gentle. Ang lambot-lambot ng kamay niya.

"Did you drink?" she was checking me but I was busy looking at her, ni hindi kumukurap dahil natatakot ako, na matapos ang sasabihin ko sa kaniya ngayon ay tuluyan na siyang mawala sa akin. "You should not drive when you take alcohol," her voice is too gentle.