Yellow Roses

Chapter 17: Ava

It's the last day of winter break, and I can't stop feeling anxious over the thought of going back. I had just thrown up in the party bucket, and wrapped it up to hang outside of the tree outside of my window, hidden from anyone else to see until my parents leave.

I felt my phone buzz long, as if someone was calling me. I looked at it to see Angel was calling the group chat. At first, I didn't want to answer considering she's the only person who knows what I've been through, and has barely bothered to check on me since she started talking to her crush. However, being in a group chat, I knew the others would call me out for not answering.

"Hey Angel..." I said, accidentally in a bland tone. "...What's up?"

I heard the others connect; they all asked the same question.

"Guys... I have something to tell you." Angel responded, sort of anxiously.

Before any of us had a chance to ask what's going on, she spilled.

"Remember how you all left me and Sapphire alone to hang out for New Years Eve? Well you did do me a favor." She said confidently. "We spent the whole night talking, making food, playing games, drinking, getting to know each other."

I heard Liz laugh. "Okay but, did you guys smash?"

The others laughed while I remained silent. I kept listening.

"I'm not that easy Liz." Angel laughed. "We did, however, kiss during the ball drop, and she asked me to be her girlfriend the next day!"

What the hell? They hang out once and immediately start to date? That seems off.

"I'm happy for you Angel, but don't you think hanging out only once and then dating is a bit..." I paused for a moment. "Red-flaggy?"

I heard them sigh.

"Don't be so negative Ava." Carrie scolded. "Let them be happy. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out."

I felt my blood boil. I'm not sure what's getting into me. But before I had a chance to clap back, Angel started to talk.

"We have hung out a few times before, Ava." She started to say. "We also have our first period together so we talked there, and texted pretty often before that. There was a build up, you just haven't been around much to hear about it."

My anger quickly changed to a depressing defeated feeling after she called me out. She's right. I've been so caught up in my own self loathing that I have been pushing myself away from the others. However, Angel knows I've been through a traumatic experience and hasn't checked on me since that day. Fuck this.

I hung up without saying a word.

How cold have I become? I think so often about how I can't keep letting Derek control my life, but it's been hard going through it alone. The possibility of telling my parents and attending therapy was not an appealing option, and reporting him wouldn't get anywhere without evidence. So I might as well do what I can to move on, even if it's all so fresh still. Ugh.

I felt my phone buzz again, this time it was just Angel. She must have picked up on how different I've been acting. I answered the phone.

"Ava..." She started to say, but I immediately bursted into tears. She kept talking. "Ava, I'm so sorry I have been dedicating almost all my time to Sapphire. I know you've been going through a lot, and I haven't been here for you the way I should be. I'm so fucking sorry, but I'm here now."

I felt myself get angry again, I couldn't control myself.

"It's too late Angel!" I nearly yelled. I didn't care, though. "While you're living your best life getting with the girl of your dreams, I'm stuck loathing over the boy of mine, and what he did to me. It's not fucking fair." I cried.