Yellow Roses

Chapter 11: Liz

*BANG BANG BANG*

I felt myself gasp for air as my eyes opened quickly, startled at the noise of my bedroom door being pounded on.

*BANG BANG BANG*

"You stupid fucking bitch! I'm going to kill you! I should have known it was you!" I heard my mom scream on the other side.

I threw my blanket off me and opened the door. My mom was standing there, red in the face, ready to tear me apart.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I yelled back, still holding the door handle in my hand.

"My fucking drugs. You took it. Give it back to me." She lowered her voice to a cold, hissing tone.

I wanted to cry, both from tears of anger and sadness. It's pathetic she doesn't even try to hide it anymore. After all these years of keeping this secret, she just blurted it out to me with no shame.

I let go of the handle and flew the door open wider in a rage.

"You don't need to be doing that shit! You promised me you wouldn't do anything more than weed after Brett died. Why the fuck would you want to make things worse for yourself and me?" I screamed as I felt the tears coming.

I was expecting the mention of my dead brother to spark another rage episode within her, but instead she slumped her shoulders and walked away into her room; I followed.

"I flushed your coke down the toilet." I lied. "Seeing that made me upset, and in a fit I got rid of it, for good."

She sat at the end of her bed and lit a bowl. "That wasn't cheap, you know." She said calmly.

I started to feel weirded out, but knew the weed would put her to her senses. Maybe mentioning Brett opened her eyes to something instead of making her defensive.

I walked over to sit next to her as she passed me the bowl. I lit it and inhaled deeply. She continued to speak.

"I really don't do it that often, Liz." She said depressingly. "I just wanted to try something that would make me feel more energized. I'm tired of always feeling so sad, so depressed, so hopeless."

After exhaling, I set the bowl down and reached over to give her a hug. "It's ok mom. There was never anything you could have done to stop him." I heard her sniffle a bit, but I pulled away.

"Thank you. This guy I'm seeing is a good man. I think you would like him. He's who I've been staying with for a while now. I'd like you to meet him soon."

I wasn't sure how to feel about this. It's been a while since my mom has brought a decent guy around. I have never met my biological father and had to deal with a rocky amount of unstable men she'd bring around in the past, including ones that introduced her to drugs.

I picked up the bowl again and lit another hit. "I doubt he's a good man if he's giving you cocaine, mom." I said harshly. She buried her face in her hands.

"I promise you that's all he sells, besides weed. He's really not that bad, Lizzy. He needs to make a living too!"

I cringed at hearing my childhood nickname from her, and also felt angry again hearing her give such a sad excuse for yet another pathetic boy she's sleeping with.

As I blew out smoke, I started to walk out of her room. "Ok mom, I need to get ready for school now." I said heading back into my room, while I heard her yell "Wait, Liz!" Behind me.

I closed my door and locked it, expecting her to come banging on my door again. Instead, all I heard was silence.

I walked over to my record player and hit play on my Bad Religion CD, then walked over to my closet to decide what to wear today.