READ THE WARNING

Chapter twenty three

!TW!~ Implied depression, sh(be safe, guys, and you're welcome to talk to me if you're going through something, I've been through this as well, so I understand), mentioning of sex

Erebus and Alex didn't talk about the almost kiss again. They didn't want anything to get awkward.

Alex really hoped things would start evening out, but everything only seemed to get worse for him. Time continued to fly by, days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. He never knew how long it had been since he'd gone to work or visited Amy and Anthony or anything. He continued visiting them as much as possible, but it wasn't as often as it used to be since he couldn't keep his shit together.

Alex's mind felt like it was so overrun with awful thoughts. He needed to get back on his feet, but his thoughts continued running over each other, trapped in his brain, preventing him from even attempting to right himself.

This isn't a good idea...but who gives a shit?

He raised his blade, stabbing into his arm as deep as he could. Tears streamed down his face, blood streaking his arm as he continued slicing. His whole life was already being destroyed, he was more than ready to go with it.

He yanked the knife out of his arm and blinked at the blood covering his arms. Somehow, the adrenaline rush of the whole thing had almost been exciting. 

He brought the knife back down, driving it even deeper this time. Blood seeped out, staining the floor and his skin. He ran the knife across his arm, almost forming a band all the way around. He dropped the knife on the floor, raising his red-painted arm.

His crying had slowed, he'd calmed down a bit. He noticed how badly he was shaking. Sighing, he dropped down, laying on the floor. He wondered if he'd cut deep enough to bleed out and die.

Shutting his eyes, he waited to calm down a bit before walking down the hall to the restroom, rinsing the blood off his arm. He cringed at the pain. After a few torturous moments, he pulled his arm out from under the tap.

He looked down at the floor, the droplets of blood that had followed him to the restroom. He sighed and sank down on the floor, leaning back against the wall.

It had only been a few minutes, and he already wanted to feel the rush again. It felt like it brought him back to reality, it felt bad but good.

He forced himself to stand and made his way back to his room. He looked down at his knife on the floor. He put it away and laid on his bed, staring at the wound on his arm, the dried blood and long, narrow scar. He didn't know what people would think, he didn't want his friends to find out. 

He felt himself start crying again. He felt like such a pussy, but he couldn't stop.

At work the next day, he wore a hoodie to hide the scars and he continued to wear a hoodie every day for that reason. The amount of scars grew daily.

He avoided thinking about it at all costs. He didn't want Erebus knowing, and the fact that merely thinking about it would let Erebus know was so irritating.

...

"I've been guarding him for a year, now. I've gotten to know him, even if he doesn't know me. I want to change that last bit, I want to talk to him. He needs someone to talk to, and he'll never open up to anyone unless I somehow convince him to."

"What leads you to believe he'd even enjoy talking to you? How do you know you'll get along?"

"I wouldn't let us not. He means so much to me and I'd never let myself hurt him."

"This is ridiculous. Why do you so desperately want to talk to him? That just isn't how we do things, that's never been how we do things, and I have no interest in changing that. You've gotta really convince me."

"He's alone. I don't wanna let it stay that way, I want to be there for him. Like I said, I've gotten to know him over time and I know he needs me more than you think he does, and I think I need him as well."

"You know, it doesn't feel like you're thinking about your job or instructions here."

"I'm thinking about his safety and well-being. We have to keep him alive, right?"

"You're not fooling anyone, kid. This isn't for work, this is for him. And I think it's for you as well."

"...Fine, I like him. That has nothing to do with anything, why does that even matter to you?"

"......'why does that matter'? Is that a real question you just asked? He'll fuck with your head, he'll turn you away from us, whether he intends to or not. Don't you know love is a lie? It seems so sweet at first, but it'll destroy everything you have, and once it ends, it'll be a little harder to get what you lost back."

"For him, I'd be willing to risk it."

"...Fine. Okay. Go ahead, find the kid and enjoy fucking him for as long as you satisfy him, but once all of it's over, don't say I didn't warn you. I won't still be here for you."

"Okay."

"This is truly a risk you're willing to take? You'll be willing to lose this in exchange for loving him?"

"...Yes, I'm willing."

"Very well. Take care of him, because from here on out, he's all you have."

"Alright."