you're my weakness [ENG]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜɪʀᴛᴇᴇɴ

Rosalie could not fall asleep. With all her strength she tried to close her eyes and drift off. All the time, she was breaking from side to side, however, her thoughts would not let her drift off into dreamland. She looked at her phone, which indicated a very late hour. For two hours she had been agonizing over a flurry of thoughts. She felt all the strength she had left going out of her. Her head was oppressing her to the point that she no longer knew what to do.

In her head, thoughts were constantly wandering, starting with her self-esteem. She never considered herself a perfect person, but an average person. Ever since Liam said all those words about her, she constantly wondered really was she so disgusting. When she came home she looked in the mirror and poignantly told herself that maybe he was right - In that moment she lost her self-confidence. Moreover, she was more hurt by the words that she was worthless, which she had heard since she was a child. And if another person tells her this then it must be the truth.

Her father always said this. When they were in private he repeated to her that he would rather have a son instead of her. She didn't do anything wrong. She was a good daughter - she had the best grades in school, but there were problems she got out of quickly also she rarely got into arguments with him, and when he asked her for something she always helped. She was afraid to stand up to him. She was afraid that she would hear his shouting and hurtful words again, which would prompt him to hit her. She wanted to find the strength within herself to finally stand up to his actions.

She couldn't describe how angry she was when her ex-boyfriend said three words to her right after he cheated on her and hid what he was doing, or rather what he was using. She thought why are those three words meaningless to many people? They should be said when you are actually convinced that this person is the one and, above all, when you feel these extremely emotions. Why did he betray her? Was she not enough? Moreover, shrill screaming and the slander she heard from Liam was one of the reasons for her earlier attack. Her panic worsened when she saw how many people were watching and hearing all this. Everyone now saw how she reacted, but she hoped they didn't guess that it was a panic attack. She tried to explain rationally to herself that most of the people there were too drunk to remember it. She really didn't want to see Lim again, but she knew it was inevitable. She had to endure a few more hard months.

She was also tormented by the thought that now the only person who knows about her attacks is Sage. Even though the blonde-haired woman was very supportive and understanding about it, she was still terrified that she would use it against her. However, she could see the change that had taken place in the girl, but she still couldn't be 100 percent sure if the blond-haired girl wasn't accidentally faking it to play back later. Rosalie kept recalling the girl's eyes, which were clearly worried. She wondered, was this the real Sage? The question in her mind was whether the blonde would tell anyone about it. Rosalie realized that she had not asked her not to tell anyone about it. She was immediately seized by fear. She was frightened that the gray-eyed woman would mention it to her friends.

Rosalie took the phone into her hand again. Despite the night, she wanted to call the girl, but realized she didn't have her number. A groan escaped her when she remembered that only Sage had her number, and Rose had not asked for hers. Now the brunette had to be stuck hoping that she didn't tell anyone. She stated that she would go to her in the morning and additionally see how her friends, especially Chris and Luke, were holding up. She hoped they were okay.

The brunette anxiously put the phone down and curled up under the quilt covering her entire body with the quilt. She thought about maybe going to her place, but she didn't have the strength to do so, and what's more, she had been drinking alcohol a couple of hours earlier, so she immediately dismissed the thought. She tried to get this fear out of her head and replace it with something else, but her thoughts did not obey today, because before her eyes she had an image when she was too close with Sage.