Sweet Romantic (Loose Trilogy #2)

Chapter 21: Reditus

"We're unplaced."

Kumuyom ang kamay ko. This can't be. The atmosphere feels so heavy. Nilingon ko si Ethane na mukhang walang pakielam sa nangyayari. We won't be unplace when he just listen to my instruction to this debate competition. Ethane usually the one who always lead us when it comes to this. But this time, he looks dumbfounded. Parang wala sa sarili.

"If Ethane became professional to this, I'm pretty sure we can still win this." Wala akong pakielam kung masaktan man siya sa sinasabi ko. Ang dami naming isinalay rito, for us to be able to win! We trained for a month, then the outcome still like this. "Kung sana 'di mo dinala kung ano man 'yang iniisip mo! You should have loosen up!"

Hindi ko na mapigilan at pagtaasan siya ng boses. The ego, the pride that we brought has gone. Nakakahiyang tumapak ulit sa campus, dahil sa ganitong resulta. For sure they're dissapointed on us. Even though, the research competition result was good. Iba pa rin talaga ang pagdadalamhati ko sa debate. We're almost 5 years unbeatable for this.

Inis akong tumayo. Saglit kong tinapunan ng tingin si Ethane. Kaming tatlo lang nina Isaiah ang tao rito, the teachers given us time to think with this loss. Inis kong pinunasan ang luha ko.

"Ayusin mo ang sarili mo, Ethane. You know how important this win to me," I lashed out, leaving them behind.

I need some time to think. Ayaw ko nang ganito. Pakiramdam ko binibigyan ko ng kahihiyan ang school.

Kinabukasan, hindi ko kinibo sila Ethane and Isaiah. Hindi rin ako makalabas sa classroom sa kadahilanang nahihiya ako. Ngayon pa nga lang na nanatili ako sa loob ng classroom, pakiramdam ko hinahatak ng lupa ang paa ko.

No one congratulate me, well what would I expect? Hindi naman kami nanalo.

"Amari." I turned a bored glance to Niña. Kumunot ang noo ko nang abutan niya ako ng kape. "I know you're overthinking." Umiwas ako ng tingin.

Halata ba sa emosyon ko?

"If that's about the competition, you tried your best and that's enough." Lumunok ako.

Niña sat beside me. Pinanood ko naman ang mga kaklase kong nagdadaldalan at parang may mga sariling mundo. Nandito kami nakapuwesto sa likuran, kaya kitang-kita ko ang mga ginagawa nila.

"Pero natalo ako." I felt Niña's soft hand touches my hand, she softly rub it.

"But it doesn't mean that you're ashamed." Ngumiti siya sa akin. "You still represent the school, and that's a thing that we can be proud of."

Suminghap ako. Bakit pakiramdam ko maiiyak ako?

"I'm always been proud of you, I'm just not that kind of expressive. But I'm always been, Amari." Tinapik niya ang balikat ko. "You know... we can't win every battle... there's a purpose why we experience it. We are human, we're imperfect--we have weaknesses that we need to overcome. It's okay to be sad today, but don't forget to celebrate your loss."

Those words of Niña left space in my heart. Hindi ko na pinaalam pa kay Mama ang pagkatalo ko, well I don't know if she's aware that I joined such competitions. Kapag nanalo naman ako, hindi ko na rin pinapaalam.

Niña is right, sad now, but celebrate your loss. And that's what I did. Kahit pa mahirap kainin ang pride ko. I write down my feelings today on the back of my notebook. Pinagkasya ko iyon, kahit pa punong-puno ito ng mga scribble. In this way, I can express my thoughts--frustrations.

Nakakatakot kasi na malaman ng iba ang nararamdaman ko. It's okay if my close friends knew. I know they won't judge me. Katulad ng ginawa ni Niña. Though, it wasn't my intention to show my expression about the last competition we compete on.