As if | Max Verstappen

7

BELLE POV

TW: ed

after what Max had said to me at the gym, it triggered my old eating disorder. during my schooling I had both anorexia and bulimia. George was with me throughout that time and helped me overcome my eating disorders. but unfortunately the thoughts never go away completely.

I had gotten up and lay in my room until I felt my stomach rumble with hunger so I ordered food just before 12 at night.

I had ordered a lot of food which I devoured in less than 10 minutes. at first it felt good but then the thoughts came. "puke it up, you're so damn fat" said the voice in my head. I felt disgusted by my own reflection and in the end I couldn't stand it.

I ran to the toilet and pressed my fingers down my throat. the first attempts didn't work, but when I started thinking about how fat I would get, I finally managed to get the food I had ordered. when i was done i rinsed and jumped in the shower even though i had my clothes on.

I felt the voice in my head become mean and my voice in my hood began to destroy everything I had built. I broke down in the shower, tears pouring from my eyes. I screamed and cried that a stupid comment from Max could ruin so much.

I sat in the shower for 50 minutes and just cried. I also cried so much I had to run to the bathroom and throw up another round. when I calmed down I took off the now wet clothes and went to bed and fell asleep.

______

it was Thursday morning and it was media day. me and George were going to have breakfast together before we were going to the circuit together. I put on my clothes and checked myself in the mirror.

I was again disgusted by my reflection and decided not to eat breakfast. I went and knocked on George's door and we then took the elevator down to the restaurant.

"I could eat all the hotel breakfast right now" George said when we arrived at breakfast. I checked all the options and felt my voice in my head telling me off.

"I'm not that hungry, I'll probably just have a fruit" I said with a fake smile.

"Are you sick?? you love to eat breakfast"

"I'm just not in the mood for some breakfast"

George looked at me suspiciously but didn't want to question anything when there was a chance someone might hear about my problems. He went to pick up breakfast while I struggled to take a piece of fruit. I knew my brain would be disgusted that I ate something but I couldn't handle all the media without something in my stomach.

we sat down and talked about the press conference we were going to have. I would sit with Lance, Carlos and Lando. i knew it would be a nightmare for the interviewers because me and lando couldn't sit still and be serious together.

George would be with Yuki, Albon and Bottas. I knew he would talk to Alex a lot but they used to be professional. we sat and talked until George had eaten and it was time for us to go. I jumped into George's Mercedes and before I could put on my seat belt he had already started driving away.