As if | Max Verstappen

24

I had come to Baku with Lando yesterday and it felt good to get away from Canada and all the memories of the assault. I had tried to persuade Christian to race this weekend but he was clear that I should take it easy which resulted in Liam Lawson getting to drive this weekend.

I was still on autopilot most of my waking hours and I had been prescribed a sedative which allowed me to still walk around without feeling paranoid that Jacob would jump out at every corner.

I tried to keep up a facade for everyone that I was feeling better but the reality was quite different. every time I closed my eyes I saw Jacob and how he had forced himself on me. I could feel the blows I received every time I did something wrong according to him. my eating disorder had gotten worse but the reason I didn't tell anyone was because I didn't want to worry anyone.

some fans had called out to me when I got to the hotel and I happily waved at them but I refused to answer questions about what had happened that night, all the fans had speculated about what had happened but everyone probably already understood what had actually happened happened.

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today was practice and even though I wasn't going to drive, I still wanted to go down and check but also feel alive. I took the car keys and was debating whether or not to call Lando but I doubted he would answer. everyone had gone down earlier to change and get ready but since I wasn't allowed to drive it didn't matter when I arrived.

I jumped into the car quickly so no one would see me. I had big sunglasses and a hood on and honestly I could look like a homeless person right now. i put on some peppy tunes and started driving away, it wasn't even five minutes before i started to panic and i needed to pull over and catch my breath. how can another human destroy someone so much.

after many attempts and very many minutes later I finally arrived and I parked the car. I scanned my passport and hurried to the Red Bull hospital but of course there were journalists everywhere and they were quick to come up and ask a hundred different questions about what had happened and why I wasn't driving today.

"leave her alone"

I turned around and saw that it was Christian who had scolded them. i followed him inside and i noticed he wanted to talk to me privately so i followed him to the office. I sat down in the chair and waited for him to start talking.

"I know what happened in the bar and I'm not going to talk to you about it unless you want to. He's behind bars and can't hurt you in any way"

"that was nice to hear"

"would you need to talk to someone, like a psychologist for example"

"no, I don't think I needed it, but if I change my mind, I'll let you know"