Hold On To Me (Marina)

8.When It Rains

8.

And oh, oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming
Oh, oh, I need an ending
So why can't you stay just long enough to explain?
(Paramore-When It Rains)

Dear Lieutenant Bishop

if you read this letter, it means I'm dead. I'm sorry, but I can't go on like this. I've tried so hard, Maya. Can I call you Maya, right? Okay, I'm rambling.
I haven't been entirely honest with you and I will never forgive myself for that. Keira and I have been homeless for a while now. Sometimes we crash at Kyle's, but we don't have a place we can call home, not anymore. I haven't told you before because I didn't want to lose her. I only wanted to protect her, you know, she is my sister, my everything, I'd do anything for her. But now I lost her anyway. She found out about my cancer and we fought. She ran away and now I don't know where she is. Now I can't protect her anymore. I failed her, Maya. I failed her and I'm exhausted. I'm sick, my body hurts everywhere. I'm dying, I just have to accept it.
We lost our parents six years ago and since then no one has cared about us like you, your wife and Robert and Natasha did and I am extremely grateful for that. You showed me and Keira that this world isn't just misery and evil. You showed us that good people exist and this is so important for my sister. She needs to see it. She needs to know it. She needs to understand that she can trust someone.
I am aware of the fact that I already bothered you a lot, but I have a request. Please, take care of Keira. I don't want her to end up in the system, but at the same time I know no one else who could look after her. My bandmates are such idiots and they're like me, she wouldn't be safe with them. And Kyle, well, he already did so much for me, I can't ask him more. I saw what your and your wife's presence did on her. I know that with you she would be loved and safe and that's enough for me.
Well, this is a farewell. Thank you, for everything. I'm just sorry I failed you.
With gratitude,

Raphael Forster.

Maya could't stop reading that letter. Maybe she hoped that, sooner or later, she would have found different words on it, full of hope instead of pain and despair. She punched the table and stood up, not really knowing what to do. She wanted to scream, but also drink and cry and run looking for her brother and Keira. She had never felt sto stuck in all her life. It was exhausting.

"Bambina, it's 4 a.m. Come back to bed.". Maya shook her head. She was motionless, her eyes staring at the fridge in front of her. Then, she felt two arms wrap her with love and care. Carina started cradling her, kissing her shoulder from time to time.

"I love you, bella." she whispered and Maya couldn't hold it anymore. She broke down in tears, desperately. She was grateful for her wife to be there because she would have ended on the floor otherwise.

"It wasn't supposed to end this way." she sobbed.

"I know."

"I... I wish he... I should have..." the blonde stuttered. She pulled away from Carina's embrace and ran to the bathroom. The doctor decided to leave her some space and went back to the bedroom. She sat on the bed and let out a sigh, hearing her wife throwing up in the bathroom. Maya was right, it wasn't supposed to end that way. It wasn't fair, at all. Raphael deserved better. And her sister too.

"Better?" she asked Maya, as she entered the bedroom. The blonde nodded and leaned against the wall. She had big dark bags under her eyes, that were puffy because of tears.