Hold On To Me (Marina)

13.I Have To Go

13.

But I can't find no peace here
So sorry, dear
But I have to go
(Eredaze-I Have To Go)

Maya checked the time. Her shift was over and she could finally go home. Problem was that going home was the last thing she wanted in that moment. She and Carina had been fighting nonstop for two days now. It wasn't even because of Keira. Maya had the feeling that Carina was shutting her out and she couldn't understand why. Usually she was the one who couldn't open up, she had never contemplated the possibility that her wife could have done the same.

"Bishop.". Maya raised her head. Ross was looking at her, leaning on the door of Beckett's office.

"Chief! I know, my shift is over. I was leaving, don't worr-..."

"I need to talk to you. Come here.". Maya frowned and felt the anxiety rise in her chest. What did Ross want? Why her?

"Please, take a seat." the older woman told her. In the office there were only Maya, Ross and Beckett and the blonde was about to throw up due to nervousness.

"Bishop, breathe." Ross said, noticing the Lieutenant getting more and more tense. "Listen, I know it had been three days since you rescued Keira Forster, but I read your report and I can't fully understand what happened there. Beckett, did you really think there were only nine people in that building?". Natasha was furious. Maya knew that she cared about Keira too. For them, it hadn't been just a fire. No, it was personal. They knew that girl, Raphael had gotten clean at Natasha and Sullivan's place, while Keira had stayed with Carina and Maya. They were supposed to take care about them. Natasha scoffed. Raphael was dead, while his sister had been brutally assaulted. They had failed them, without any doubt.

"When we arrived at the house, there was a boy outside. He was the one who told me how many people... I'm sorry.".' Maya and Natasha glanced at each other. They had had the same horrible, terrible feeling.

"Captain, can I ask you if you remember his name?" the blonde asked, her heart in her throat.

"No, I don't." Beckett responded. "But why do you care?". Maya and Natasha's eyes met again. The Chief let out a sigh, while the blonde let her hair down and ran a hand through it, a lump in her throat. She wanted to scream, but she couldn't.

"Okay, what's going on?" Beckett insisted. "What's going on?"

"That boy..." Ross started. "He..."

"He may be the one who assaulted Keira." Maya claimed, her eyes staring at the wall. Beckett was frozen in shock, paler than ever. He felt so stupid.

"It's not your fault, Captain." Maya reassured him, unexpectedly. She still didn't like Beckett, at all, but the man needed to hear that wasn't his fault. She needed him to know that.

"Sorry, I... I have to go." she said. She stood up and headed to the door, running away from that office. She entered the locker room and sat down on the bench, her breath labored. She didn't even know what she was feeling. Anger, sadness, disgust, fear maybe. It was too much.

"Maya!". She raised her gaze. Andy and Vic were in front of her, quite worried.

"What happened?" the Latina asked. Maya shook her head.

"Whoever assaulted Keira was at the fire. We just let him go and even thanked him for his help.". The other two women gasped, definitely not expecting such a thing. Maya punched the bench and clenched her fist. Andy sat down next to her and rubbed her back, to help her calm down.

"Carina and I keep arguing." the blonde then said. "She asked me to take Keira with us, but I told her I wasn't really sure about it."

"What? Why?" Vic asked. Maya bowed her gaze, in shame.