Hold On To Me (Marina)

15.Into You

15.

You said, "Time to tear down the walls
You know not every thing's your fault
[...]
I fall into you
And I fade
(Dead By Sunrise-Into You)

The drive home was incredibly silent. Ben and Miranda had offered Maya and Carina a lift and the two wives were sitting on the backseats, the brunette staring outside the window and the blonde desperately trying not to look at her. She had so many questions in her mind and she didn't even really knew if she wanted to find out any answer to them.

"Here we are." Ben announced.

"Thank you." Maya thanked her friend. She helped Carina out of the car and the two women headed to their apartment, without saying a word. Once inside, Maya had no idea what to do. She wanted Carina to open up with her, but at the same time she feared that pushing her would have only hurt the Italian more.

"Hey, why don't you have a shower? You're shaking." she suggested. Carina nodded and was about to enter the bathroom, when she suddenly stopped, causing Maya to frown.

"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned.

"Would you... Would you like to join me?". The blonde's eyes widened in shock.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel any kind of discomfort."

"I need not to be alone. Please.". Maya smiled at her wife, to reassure her. She grabbed her hand and guided her to the bathroom. Their eyes met and the blonde's heart clenched in her chest. She loved Carina so much and all she wanted in that moment was to take all her pain away and give her love, safety and happiness instead. She helped her undress, then stripped of her own clothes and followed her into the shower box. Maya turned on the water and gently kissed Carina's nape.

"I love you so much." she whispered to her, sweetly. Carina didn't respond, nor move. She could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks and blend with the hot water of the shower.

"Can I wash your back?" Maya asked. The Italian nodded slightly, a bit tense. However, when Maya's hands softly laid on her back and shoulder, she started to relax. There wasn't violence in that touch, nor possession. There was only love, love and nothing else. Carina broke down in tears, utterly overwhelmed by all that.

"Hey, hey, shhh." Maya whispered at her. "I've got you. I'm here.". Carina let her wife hold her and abandoned herself in her lovely arms.

"I love you." Maya told her again. She kissed her neck, then her shoulder. There was nothing sexual in that gesture, only the need of Maya to keep the brunette safe. They stayed like that for a while, until the firefighter realized it was time to get out of there. She gently wrapped Carina into a towel and decided to give her some space, so she went to the bedroom to get ready for the night. After a while the brunette joined her. Maya was sitting on the bed and beckoned her to sit next to her, but Carina shook her head and bowed her gaze. She looked mortified.

"Hey, it's me. Carina, it's me."

"I know." the Italian said. "But I'm so sorry for what I did. I didn't mean to scare you. I would never leave you Maya, but I needed... Well, I don't even know what I needed to be honest."

"Hey, stop blaming yourself. You were in shock, Carina. And I am the one supposed to be sorry. I should have understood what was going on."

"You couldn't." Carina replied, finally sitting on the bed. "Listen, I don't want you to think that I asked you if we could take Keira with us only because I am projecting my own experience on her. I just need her not to go through this all alone.". Maya nodded and took her wife's hands between hers. She gently caressed them with her thumbs, hoping to soothe the brunette a little. Silence fell between them, again. Carina laid on the bed, her eyes staring at the ceiling. She let out a sigh. She had made a promise to Meredith, she had told her she would have talked to Maya. And she had to do it.