Hold On To Me (Marina)

29.One Step

29.

Take it one step at a time
(Jeremy Lister-One Step)

Natasha Ross was a tough woman and she knew that. She had been through so much in her life. She had served her own Country, she had spent years on the frontline, she had seen hundreds of people dying. And maybe that was the reason why, once back home, she had decided to become a firefighter. She was tired of seeing people grieving because of her. She was tired of seeing people dying because of her. She shook her head. When she had applied to become a firefighter, she had hoped to become a whole new person. But what if nothing had really changed?

"I think that we need to talk.". Natasha looked at Andy, frowning.

"Sure, about what?" she asked, confused.

"Beckett." the younger woman answered, causing Ross to jerk. "Why is he still captain?"

"Herrera, I know that what happened was unfair, but..."

"This has nothing to do with me!" Andy cried, immediately regretting she had raised her voice. She took a deep breath and tried to pull herself together, clenching her own fists.

"I'm sorry." she apologized. "But I meant it. This has nothing to do with me, at least if we talk about my captaincy.". Natasha let out a sigh and invited her to keep going. "I should have come sooner and to be honest I don't know why I haven't. Maybe I thought it would be useless or maybe I was just a huge coward, I have no idea. What matters is that I am here now, because I can't keep watching in silence while that man constantly puts everyone in danger."

"Herrera..."

"I get it, the union has you wrapped around their fingers. They need a man like Beckett, someone who can do nothing but what they want. They're still McCallister's puppets, after all."

"Herrera, enough!" Natasha yelled, but Andy shook her head, her gaze firm and full of pride.

"To protect McCallister's nephew, Beckett caused Gibson to seriously injury his own arm and put a patient's life in danger, not using Warren's experience as a doctor. Let alone all the racist and homophobic comments that we are forced to tolerate because the probie has a powerful uncle. And I'm aware of the fact that Beckett doesn't like this whole situation either, but he will never step down, we both know that." she said. "I just can't afford to lose anyone else, Chief. Last month my best friend and a girl who is now her foster daughter risked their lives because of Beckett. Last month...". Andy could feel the tears roll down her cheeks now. "Last month Maya could have died in that house. And I can't lose her. Not after my dad, not after Ryan, not after Miller. I can't.". Ross stepped forward to Andy, who just stepped back.

"Herrera..." she sighed. "You need to believe me, I tried, but with the whole scandal involving Sullivan and I it's so complicated.". Andy scoffed.

"I said the same this afternoon, Chief. Yeah, I told Carina that we all already tried everything we could."

"Wait, Carina as Carina DeLuca-Bishop? Is this why you're here? Did she send you to me?" Natasha asked.

"No, she didn't. She doesn't even know I'm here." Andy answered. "But she told me something this afternoon. She told me to try harder. Try harder, Chief. Try harder, because I can't lose anyone else. I simply don't want to.". And Ross could do nothing but watch the younger woman leave, not able to reply anything at all.

Natasha let out a sigh and leaned against the wall. Try harder, Herrera's words kept resonating in her mind. She felt stuck. She knew that the lieutenant was right, Beckett was inadequate and the union was just using him to please McCallister's will. Despite his retirement, he was still pretty influential in the SFD. And still, she couldn't go against the union. It would mean putting her whole career at risk and, consequently, Station 19 too. She shook her head. No, Station 19 was already at risk in Beckett's hands. Try harder, Andy had told her. And Natasha knew what she had to do.