Mr. Left (Mr. Series #2)

Chapter 43

"It's you who's messing with my head right now."

Napabuga ako sa isinagot sa akin ng magaling kong asawa. Ako pa ngayon?

"Fuck you, Jhon Rey! Shut the fuck up!"

Pero ang mga salitang 'yon ay parang hindi niya narinig. Simula ng araw na 'yon, palagi na siyang umuuwi sa bahay. Ni hindi siya kailanman umaalis. Ni hindi ko siya nakikitang gumagamit ng phone niya. Minsan iniiwan niya lang na pakalat-kalat kung saan.

Hindi ko alam bakit sa isang iglap nagbago na naman siya. Litong-lito na ako. Hindi man kami nag-uusap sa bahay, ramdam kong may ipinagbago siya. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari.

Inalis niya na rin ang mga avocado sa ref at pinalitan niya ng citrus fruits and bananas. Ni hindi niya ako pinahahawakan ng kahit anong gawain sa bahay. Kahit sa paglalaba, siya ang kumikilos. Hindi ko alam. Nahihiwagaan ako.

Mas lalo tuloy akong natatakot sa kung ano man ang dahilan ng biglaan niyang pagbabago.

Midway through the night, I found myself wide awake. I was on the verge of going to the restroom to relieve myself when I looked up and noticed him dozing off on the couch. Simula nga noong mag-decide siyang dito na palaging matulog ay sa couch na siya nag-i-stay. Ni hindi niya ako inabala o tinatabihan. Pabor naman iyon sa akin dahil naiinis ako sa kaniya, pero minsan nakakaramdam ako ng awa lalo na ngayong nakikita ko siyang nakabaluktot sa couch. Sobrang tangkad niya kasi at hindi siya makaunat. Ngayon ko lang napansin na kahit kumot ay wala siya. Ang unan lang na ginagamit niya ay ang pillows sa couch.

"Why are you doing this, Jhon Rey?" I say to myself.
Pinapaikot mo na naman ba ako?
Are you trying to mess with my feelings again dahil alam mong mabilis lumambot ang puso ko para sa 'yo dahil mahal kita?

Napabuntong-hininga ako, bago ako bumalik sa kwarto para kumuha ng kumot. Tsk. Bakit ba napakarupok ko pagdating sa lalaking ito?

I hurried into the living room and looked at Jhon Rey with a grimace on my face. Kinumutan ko siya.

Kung pwede lang kitang sampalin para sa lahat ng mga ginawa mo sa 'kin, eh ginawa ko na. Pasalamat ka gwapo ka. Hmph!

Pero hindi pa rin kita kakausapin.

I decided to stop staring at him and go to the restroom because I had forgotten that was the reason why I had woken up, but as I was about to take a step away from him, I felt his hand brush mine.

Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Shit. I thought he was sleeping. Nagising ko ba siya?

"S-sorry, nagising ba kita?" I questioned him with a tone of concern, afraid that he'd get angry again for disturbing his sleep. It has been how many weeks since he has been like an angel, and his kindness might expire now because of what I did.

Bumangon siya at umupo dahilan para mapatingin ako sa kaniya.
"No, it was me who needs to say sorry...For everything."

Nakahawak pa rin siya sa kamay ko. I can see him through the dim light from the lamp shade.

I'm speechless.

I don't know if I'm such a fool to recognize how sincere he is now. No joke. Kung umaarte siya ngayon, napakagaling niya dahil muli niya akong napapaniwala.

"It was me who ruined you. I've planned it all from the very beginning. I approached you first and used you to gain power— against my family and to bring my ex back."

Nangilid ang mga luha ko. Hindi ko inaasahan na sasabihin niya 'yon sa 'kin—na tatapatin niya ako—na sasagutin niya lahat ng mga katanungan sa isip ko.

"But I never planned that night. I thought you wouldn't really show up. I was waiting for you but lost hope so I occupied myself and found something else to focus on. My ex came which surprised me. I was shock, kasi ang akala ko nasa ibang bansa pa siya, pero hindi ko alam kung bakit mas na-surprise ako nung dumating ka at hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong halikan ka. I was drunk but I know what happened between us. I was in denial 'cause I thought my heart still belonged to the woman I knew. I was also a mess, and as a result, I said certain things to you that were hurtful after that night."

I gulped. Looking at him right now makes me think he's hit rock bottom.

"I even command you to bring death to yourself. What a fool I am." Nakita kong kumawala ang luha sa mga mata niya. "But I was filled with dread that day. I never thought you would actually do that."

Muli siyang tumunghay para tagpuin ang mga mata ko. Hindi ko inakalang minsan sa buhay ko ay makikita ko siyang ganito. Nababasag. 

"I'm sorry if I turned out to be the worst person you've ever met and that I wound up being your husband," he cried. "Sorry if I became so irresponsible. Sorry if I became the reason why your dream is now impossible to reach. I'm sorry for blaming it all on you."

Napakagat ako sa labi ko. I am unable to speak. It hurts me to see him crying.

But I don't want him to stop. Gusto kong marinig lahat ng sasabihin niya.

Everything he needs to explain. Gusto kong malaman kung anong nararamdaman niya.

"Sorry if I take you for granted. Sorry kung ngayon ko lang naharap lahat ng kasalanan ko sa 'yo. But I'm being honest, truly honest, Sheen May. If you'll give me this one last chance, I promise, I will treat you better now."

I saw a glimpse of tears in his eyes. Again.  Nakatingala siya sa akin na para bang nagmamakaawa. Na ako na ang langit niya at naiwan ko siya sa lupa. Natutunaw ang puso ko sa mga salitang binitiwan niya. Here he is, confessing all his sins to me. Right before my eyes, he is laying bare all of his transgressions to me. I've been hoping that he'd say all of these things, and now he's here, fulfilling them.

"I understand that it will be difficult for you to trust me again, but I sincerely hope that one day you will forgive me. I promise to make every effort to earn your forgiveness."

I closed my eyes as I tried to confront myself. Bakit gano'n?
Bakit natutunaw na naman ang puso ko para sa kaniya?
Bakit parang sa isang iglap nakalimutan ko na kung gaano siya kasama sa akin?

Niyakap niya ako. Isang mahigpit na yakap dahilan para mapaluha ako.

"This is going to be the last time I'll be stupid enough to believe you, Jhon Rey."

He nodded. "No more lies, Sheen May. No more. I promise."

He made me sit on his lap before staring at me. He tucked those hairs that were on my face behind my ears. Ipinagdikit niya ang mga noo namin. "Thank you," he whispered between his sobs. We both cried.

Ni hindi man niya sabihin, pakiramdam ko pareho na ng sinisigaw ang aming mga puso.

Niyakap ko siya.

Ganoon din ang ginawa niya.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako nakahanap ng dahilan na patawarin pa siya sa kabila ng mga ginawa niya sa akin.

Siguro'y ganoon ko siya kamahal.

Sa sugal na ito, ibubuhos ko na lahat ng taya ko.