H O N E Y [Felix Catton]

•T H R E E•

It's almost the end of the term. Summer break. Usually a time I would look forward to; spending time with all my closest friends in a mansion left to our disposal. It was a dream.

However, the excitement I usually got from the thought of Saltburn was dismissed because of Felix, and his newfound best friend.

Oliver quick.

For the past few months, I have been having to share my best friend with him. I didn't like to share. I especially didn't like to share Felix. It didn't make any sense, how Oliver could randomly burst into Felix's life and take him away from me. I had never been possessive before; but something awakened in me whenever Felix insisted on hanging out with Oliver, or talking about him constantly whenever it was just us.

Me and Felix were in my dorm, as per usual, backs hunched over as we looked at this year's books we had to read over summer.

"This is a fucking joke, I must have read all this shit a hundred times." He says, tossing the book onto the bed.

"I know, it's ridiculous." I reply, shaking my head.

My phone, sitting on my wardrobe, rings unexpectedly, causing both me and Felix to flinch.

"Who the fuck is calling at eleven?" I groan in irratation, rising from my spot and pressing the green button.

"Hello?"

"Ah- yes. Cecilia, it's your mothers solicitor. Or well... ex solicitor."

My eyes widen, and I look over to Felix. 'Who is it?' He mouths and I place my hand over the speaker.

"The solicitor." I whisper and his eyebrows raise before he nods.

"I see." I say quietly, leaning back against my wall nervously.

"I wouldn't usually call at this time, but I thought it would be an urgent matter to discuss the money your mother had-"

"Sorry, what money?" I say, frowning in confusion over the phone.

"-the money your mother had left you."

My eyes widen. What money? My mother had hardly ever talked about a will or such. Sure, we were never strapped for cash. In fact, we were extremely privileged. But the idea of my mother saving money for me in case she died never really seemed possible until now. I guess you never consider these things when your mum's alive.

"Oh." I say stupidly.

"How... much?" I ask, my throat closing as I swallow nervously.

"It's abit complex if were including properties and vehicles, etcetera. But it's just under eight million."

My stomach could have dropped to my feet.

"Can I call you back in the morning?" I say breathlessly, clutching the phone in my hand with such force it could have broke.

"Yes, of course. Goodnig-"

I hang up the phone, dropping it on the floor as I move back over to the bed. I blink blankly at Felix, still processing the number I had just heard.

"... eight million." I mutter quietly.

"What?"

"My mum left me eight million." I state, eyes locking with his.

We both sit in shocked silence, and he shuffles himself so he's sitting beside me, putting his arm over me.

"That is alot of money." He says, and i nod. That silence returns.

"I wouldn't even know how to manage all that, Felix." I whisper, my mind overflowing with different scenarios on how my new found fortune could go.

"I'm sure I could ask Dad if he knows a good solicitor, to manage it all for you." He assures, but I'm still stuck in thought, not being able to comprehend anything he's saying.

"I didn't even know we had that much money. I mean, I never really thought of it until now."

"When your rich, you don't really notice until its staring at you in the face." He says and I sigh, leaning my weight against him

"I don't think I can do all of this. I don't want to all of it. I just want it to be how it used to." My voice shakes slightly, and I bite my lip to stop any tears falling. Felix's hand rubs against my arm as I stay silent against his chest, trying not to make a sound as tears stream down my face. Not that it would make a difference, we both knew i was crying.

"You still haven't grieved properly. To be completely honest, I think you tried to shove it in the back of your head. Ever since the funeral, you act like it never happened."

His words send a shock of realisation through me. He wasn't wrong. I hadn't spent anytime to grieve. I saw it as a sign of weakness, a weakness I wouldn't want to show. So I pushed the feeling of grief away, I focused on other things. I never really thought of it as unhealthy until now.

"Grief is a unique process, its different for every person." I say softly, sniffling as I wipe away a stray tear. It sounded like I was trying to convince myself more then Felix.

"Yes, but it's not right to not allow that process all together."

I look up at him to see he's already staring down at me, his eyes arm with sympathy. It's times like these I just need a moment to observe him. Count his freckles, the different tones in his eyes. Something to do, something to relax by.

"Your right." I confirm, nuzzling my head back into his chest.

"Well, you won't have to worry about your house or anything for now. We can go to Saltburn, and it'll be just like it always is. Me, venetia, Farleigh and oliv-"

"Your inviting Oliver?!" I say quickly, sitting up with a baffled look on my face.

"You can't do that." I blurt out.

"Why not?" Felix asks, hurt flashing through his eyes.

"Because... fuck." I sigh, rubbing my head.

"Because your forgetting about me. Your spending so much time with Oliver, I'm getting pushed to the side. I'm your best friend, Felix. I have been for years. I'm not something you can just sweep under the carpet."

My words tumble out in one, loud ramble. Felix watches intently, his brow furrowed as he tries to make sense of my rant.

"I've never forgotten you, cecilia. I never will do." He replies, frowning slightly. The use of my proper name and not my nickname makes my heart pang in sympathy.

"Well, it doesn't feel like it." I retort, but it doesn't come out as harsh as I thought it would.

"Ci, I have spent the whole of my childhood with you. When I learnt how to ride a bike, or when I first learnt how to swim. You were there. You think I'd forget something like that? That's crazy. Absoloutley crazy. I mean, I love you, for God's sake."

Felix was prone to toss out 'I love you' alot, even to people he had just met. But we both used those three words very sacredly with eachother, so the use of it now made my ears perk up.

"No one can get in the way of that." He finishes, putting his fist on his thigh in confirmation. I smile, nodding in agreement.

"I'm sorry, that was really stupid of me. I'm just not used to it, you know? I'd like to have you all to myself if I could." We both smirk, and I place my head back on his chest.

"It'll be nice with him at Saltburn. You will be happy, that's all that matters." The first part definitely was not true for me, but I couldn't tell him that.

"Thank you, I know he'll love it there."

"Who doesn't?"