ISN'T SHE LOVELY | hs

28 | GONE

Managed to write the entire chapter yesterday, so you're getting it way earlier than I initially anticipated.

She's a chunky one: a 13.9k word-long rollercoaster. Buckle in, and I hope you enjoy x

Trigger warning: blood and mild violence

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| MICKAYLA |
Saturday 27th May, 2023

"Please, Stevie. I'm begging you. Just get out of me."

Kick.

"For fuck sake!"

At my pleas going ignored yet again, tears of frustration now join the already existing ones of sadness, my whole body aching from where I sit cross-legged on the nursery floor.

I've got baby clothes folded in neat piles around me and a onesie on my gigantic bump; my makeshift folding table. It might as well be useful for something since it's still very much around, and I'm still very much pregnant. 

I'm ten days overdue and I'm currently organising Stevie's clothes for the umpteenth time. The whole point of doing so was to prevent me from having a complete breakdown, which worked for a couple of days, but that ship officially sailed a little over an hour ago.

Harry and I got into a fight; our biggest one yet. One that involved us both saying hurtful things to each other and ended with him leaving the house, slamming the door behind him until the whole place shook after saying he was going for a drive to 'cool down'.

It's something that was very much needed for both of us, except I haven't cooled down. I've just been silently crying, a never ending stream of tears running down my face that have dropped onto each tiny article of clothing I've been folding.

The fight was all my fault and I take full responsibility for it. I've been, for lack of a better word, a cunt to Harry lately; an attitude that lasted all the way up to watching him walk away from me earlier on.

As the days have gone by and I've gotten more and more overdue, things between us have grown fractured and tense. I've been in the worst mood, with nothing and no one able to shake me from it.

I'm in so much pain. I'm exhausted. I'm terrified. I'm anxious. I'm frustrated. My body doesn't feel like my own, nor does my mind. I've loved pregnancy up until this point and while I'm so grateful for the gift of it, I've also come to despise it.

All of these things have resulted in me falling into behaving like I used to; shutting myself away and others out, and being nasty with my words until an eventual explosion occurred. The only exploding that should have happened are to my waters, but my demon daughter is adamant in keeping them intact therefore I went a different approach. Popping off at Harry.

I'd say I don't know how he hadn't walked out on me sooner, but I do. He's an angel, plain and simple, but clearly he'd had enough.

I don't blame him. Not after how I've been treating him. Not after what I said.

Stevie kicking my belly again pulls me out of my thoughts, her nudges gentle but gut-wrenching. It makes me sob harder as I stroke where she prods me, my hands trembling as much as my bottom lip.