Love is not in the equation | Taegyu

𝑇𝑤𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑦 𝑜𝑛𝑒

⋆｡˚. ੈ.✾. ⋆｡˚. ੈ ⋆｡˚. ੈ 

𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑖𝑛 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓

⋆｡˚. ੈ ⋆｡˚. ੈ.✾. ⋆｡˚. ੈ

The word "freedom" never meant "free" in Taehyun's vocabulary. Freedom was only given to the privileged, to the one who has power and control in society. And the affluent ones rule over the freedom of those beneath them. Freedom was never free. "Free" is dominated by the people on top of the social class pyramid. That was how Taehyun viewed "freedom". 

Taehyun was brought up this way; in a suppressed and competitive environment where they were judged for their worth and social standing. He was the Kang's family most outstanding child, his reasoning and logic extraordinary even at a young age. It wasn't unusual for him to surpass his peers all the time. Moreover, his older siblings couldn't even come close to him when it came to intelligence. This did not mean they were failures, but Taehyun was just exceptional. 

It wasn't like his parents had limited him and forbade him to explore. In fact, Taehyun did try everything, ranging from playing the violin to riding the horse, from martial arts to performing arts. But nothing seemed to interest him. He got bored easily. Toys never changed, rules of games were always the same. The only thing he stuck to was drawing and painting, because his parents felt the need to allow him to express his emotions in other ways. Because he didn't have an interest in anything, his father had told him not to waste any efforts on searching for his motivation and gave him a single goal instead: to inherit his position. Since he had nothing better to do, he might as well. 

Taehyun wouldn't say that he wasn't close to his siblings. He used to hang out a lot with his older siblings Hyunsoo and Hayeon before Jiwon turned 3. When Jiwon began to walk, he had followed Taehyun everywhere he went. If Taehyun had to say, Jiwon was probably the most similar to him personality wise since both of them sought for being first, except Jiwon liked sports and Taehyun liked nothing. But he had found him incredibly annoying... because Jiwon would copy everything that he did. They were the closest in age but Taehyun had never fought with him. Not when Jiwon threw a tantrum over not having something Taehyun had, or when he would snatch his books and toys. Taehyun didn't have a favourite and those things were replaceable so he didn't mind. 

Then came Sieun. Taehyun still remembered seeing him as a lump of wrinkled fat in the hospital when he just came into the world. He was so ugly Taehyun was worried that he wasn't human. However, at the same time, Taehyun couldn't help but adore the youngest. Thankfully Sieun grew to be a cute baby, and Taehyun had loved him so much. Sieun was the only reason why he looked forward to coming home everyday. He would coo at him, feed him his milk and spend as much time as possible pampering him. Sieun made him feel like a proper big brother.

Taehyun loved his siblings, but nothing could compare to the ecstasy of watching others in despair because of him. He discovered his twisted enjoyment in secondary school when a girl who was madly in love with him got rejected in the most humiliating. It wasn't intentional, but Taehyun couldn't get enough of the downcast eyes, the concealed hurt beneath her forced smile and the echoes of embarrassment that lingered in the defeated hunch of her posture. It felt liberating to him. Maybe he was indeed sick and mentally disturbed, but he couldn't help chasing after the thrill. It made him feel alive. 

Born into an affluential family, Taehyun naturally received the benefits of power and control. Nothing was unattainable to him. He could have everything he wanted. Of course he wasn't on top of the pyramid, for his parents and ancestors were the ones who gave him this life, but he had more than enough to manipulate others and crush everyone beneath his feet whenever he wanted.