Love is not in the equation | Taegyu

𝑇𝑤𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑦 𝑠𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛

⋆｡˚. ੈ.✾. ⋆｡˚. ੈ ⋆｡˚. ੈ⋆｡˚. ੈ

𝑈𝑛𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠

⋆｡˚. ੈ⋆｡˚. ੈ ⋆｡˚. ੈ.✾. ⋆｡˚. ੈ

When it came to romantic love, Beomgyu knew nothing much about it. While Beomhan and his friends had small crushes and infatuations throughout their childhoods, Beomgyu had none and only cared about playing and collecting small precious things. He remembered being forced to choose a girl that he was supposed to "like" in primary school, just because all the other boys he hung out with had crushes on girls in their school. Beomgyu didn't want to be different, he wanted to fit in, so he chose the girl he thought was the prettiest in his class when his friends asked.

His friends had teased him about it, which eventually got annoying because Beomgyu had never liked the girl in the first place. At that time, he just couldn't wait to complete primary school. 

Secondary school wasn't much better. They were at the age where they would flirt and try to spend as much time with their crushes as possible, but Beomgyu just wanted to have fun with his friends. He hadn't want to watch his friend perform embarrassing acts in an attempt to flirt with his crush, nor to see girls acting all chummy with boys. It felt a little cringey, and Beomgyu had found it quite repulsive. 

He wasn't spared from suggestive approaches as well. And it wasn't only girls but also guys who pursued after him and Beomhan. Beomgyu just didn't know better, because his twin would shield him away from unnecessary attention. It was only when he thought back now that he had noticed all those subtle hints that people were interested in him. It was always easier to observe others and harder to notice things happening to himself. 

Beomgyu had never felt attracted to anyone romantically. He had never felt butterflies, never felt the sparks.

Nevertheless, he had dreamt about love. He still loved watching and reading romance. He still loved to imagine himself in such scenarios, to imagine the feeling of love, the racing of his heart and silly thoughts of that one person. 

Truth to be told, when Beomgyu first saw Taehyun, he had thought about how beautiful and charming the other was. In fact, he could still remember the moment his eyes laid upon him. Taehyun shone so brightly, his presence unrivalled and looks incomparable. It was the first time Beomgyu had met someone so handsome and eye-catching. 

There were times where his heart did skip a beat or two when it came to Taehyun. Whenever Taehyun held him, smiled at him and touched him, Beomgyu could feel his heart being lifted up, as if he was going up a roller coaster right before the drop. But he never knew if it was fear, nervousness, or attraction. Or perhaps he only felt like this because it was Taehyun. Taehyun was a special person after all. 

They had shared several kisses. But unlike the films he had watched and books he had read, the kisses Taehyun gave him were meaningless. There was no love, no attraction. There was nothing between them. Or that was at least what Beomgyu thought. Taehyun just wanted his body, nothing more. He had agreed to be Taehyun's puppet after all. 

However, there were instances when things had felt a little different that Beomgyu couldn't describe nor understand. 

And to tell the truth, he couldn't imagine himself kissing someone else other than Taehyun. Maybe he was already conditioned to only accept Taehyun's lips and touches. Beomgyu wouldn't know. Because he didn't want to dwell on that. 

He had always been busy with studies and his part time jobs, but now that exams were over and he didn't have work for a while until graduation, he was left to ponder seriously about his relationship with Taehyun.