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I haven't spoken to Elowyn since before my fathers death. She's sent me several messages and I have hundreds of missed calls but I just cant seem to respond to her. She only knows about my fathers death due to it being posted on ever fucking news sight there is. I also received a message from Sharon who told me she was sorry to hear about the news and she wants to rekindle while I'm back in England.
The stupid part of me wants to do it. Maybe then Elowyn would understand how I feel whenever she's around Claude or any other man, including her husband, even if he can't fuck her. I've seen the ad she did with Claude Auclair. She was pressed up against him and he was kissing her neck. I don't think anyone understands how angry and jealous it made me. Even if it is just a job to her.
I'm standing at the doors of the church, greeting people who have come to pay their respects and say goodbye to my father. I walk inside and see Chris and his wife. I stand next to my siblings and continue to greet others as they trail inside. I see Elowyn and have to do a double take as she walks towards me, Orlando's arm linked with hers.
"We heard about your father." Orlando smiles sadly, "We wanted to come and support you. I'm so very sorry for your loss."
"Thank you, Orlando. You didn't have to come all this way. I appreciate it. Thank you to you too, Winnie." I nod.
I give him a quick side hug before doing to the same to Elowyn. I find it so fucking hard not to just hold my girl tightly, smell her perfume and cry in her arms. I haven't cried yet, I'm not sure if I'm even going to. The second she squeezes me softly, I cant help but wish I would've texted her or returned her calls.
The doors to the church open again and my body stiffens when I see her. I hadn't seen her since she destroyed me. Ruined my life.
What the fuck is Elene doing here?
"Harry." Jenny says, stepping closer to me as she places her arm around me, "What the fuck is that bitch doing here? I'm going to tell her to leave. The fucking audacity of her to-"
"Don't make a scene, Jen. She's a family friend, she was obviously going to come here. I'm okay, the quicker we greet her, the quicker we can ignore her." I shake my head, pulling her to stand next to me.
Elene smiles at me as she walks towards me and my heart drops to my ass. She wraps her arms around me and I freeze. She pulls away and ruffles my hair like she used to, except it's a lot longer now so she chuckles to herself before running a hand through my hair.
"You've really grown up, hey?" Elene chuckles.
I can't speak.
"I'm so sorry about your father, Harry Edward." She always used to call me that, I used to love it and I'd only let her do it, but now I cant stand it, "We should get lunch together. I'd love to catch up with you, kid."
She walks away from me to greet my siblings and I stay still. I can't look at her. I feel sick. I look up from the ground and my eyes land on Elowyn looking at me, concern all over her face. I shake my head and follow my siblings to the pews where we sit as the ceremony starts.
My sister had asked me to speak about my father but I declined. Chris does it instead and the entire ceremony lasts around an hour. I head outside and smoke a cigarette, watching as everyone says goodbye to my siblings before they get into their cars. I'm surprised when Elowyn and Orlando come to stand next to me. She lights one of her own cigarettes and I smile, watching as she takes a drag before blowing the smoke out of the corner of her mouth, away from Orlando.
"Where are you two staying?" I ask.
"Just a small hotel in London. We've never been to Holmes Chapel and we weren't sure if there were any hotels near the church." Orlando answers, "Did you grow up here?"
"Yeah. Not too far from here anyway." I nod.
"It's nice. Kind of like walking straight into a postcard." Orlando laughs.
My siblings walk to us and offer to head to a pub nearby. Orlando explains that he cant, says something about needing to get some work done, gives us his condolences and tells Elowyn to stay. We say goodbye to him and walk toward the pub. Elowyn and I hang the smallest bit back from my siblings.
"Did I do something to upset you, Harry?" Elowyn asks quietly.
I shake my head at her. I don't want to talk about her ad. It doesn't matter. She's come all this way to be here for me. It would be childish to bring that up.
"No."
"You haven't answered any of my calls or my messages."
"I'm sorry."
"That woman in the church, the one that made you uncomfortable, was that her? Elene?"
We stare at one another before I nod.
"Oh, Harry... I'm sorry."
I shake my head again. That's the last thing I want to think about. I would actually prefer to just go back to New York and forget about all of this.
"Do you want things to be over between us?"
She sounds heartbroken at the thought of me not wanting her anymore.
"Of course not, baby." I frown, "I should have called, I don't know why I didn't. I... I missed you so much. We'll talk more when we get to the pub, yeah?"
When we get into the pub, I get a tab running and order some shots. We drink them at the bar before each of us orders a pint. We find a booth and Elowyn sits next to, placing her hand on my thigh under the table. I order beer after beer and quickly become drunk. By the time I've finished my sixth pint, Elowyn's still on her first.
I just want to be numb.
"Maybe you should slow down, Harry." Elowyn whispers.
"Thanks for your concern." I shake my head before calling over the waitress, "But I'm fine."
"Yeah, I bet you are."
She uses that same clipped tone she had back at my apartment and I look at her, my brows furrowed. Why does she want to fight with me now? The table is quiet as Elowyn and I stare at one another.
"How long have you been married, Elowyn?" My sister asks, disgust evident in her voice.
Elowyn shifts in her seat uncomfortably and I glare at my sister.
"Nearly three years." Elowyn clears her throat.
"I had no idea you were married." Jenny laughs humourlessly, "It didn't come up in conversation the entire week you were at my brothers."
"Elowyn, let's go. It was nice seeing you guys."
I'm drunk and practically raging as Elowyn and I head out of the pub. I pull her into an alley and hug her tightly. I want to cry. I can't do it in front of her.
"I'm so happy you came, baby. God, you make me so happy." I slur, "You feel so good... so soft."
We're quiet for a moment as she just holds me. We stay exactly like that for a while before I grab her hand and drag her back to the church, handing her my car keys before climbing into the passenger seat. I end up falling asleep after putting the directions into my sat-nav for her.
