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I can't stop reading that last entry. I'm on the verge of crying but I somehow stop myself from doing so.
Is that really why she left me? She made a deal with God. She thought I was dead so she prayed, I lived and then she ended our... relationship. I know how scared she was. I actually died that night right in front of her. I wasn't breathing for a long period of time and that must have been so scary for Elowyn to witness.
I start to pace my bare living room, smoking several cigarettes as I ask myself what to do. Hours have passed since I opened her journal and it's now a little after eleven pm. I've had Elowyn's number gone from my phone since I got out of hospital, I didn't want any trace of her around and I know I'd end up calling her and texting her all the time, begging for her to take me back. I know her number off by heart though. I grab my phone and let out a shaky breath as I dial her number.
It rings until it eventually goes to her voicemail and I sigh, ending the call without leaving a message. I lay in my bed and close my eyes. My stomach flips and my heart clenches as my phone vibrates on my stomach. It's a text from Sharon asking if I want to get breakfast with her tomorrow and my heart sinks, guilt flooding through me again. After all the time of not being with anyone and not knowing why Elowyn left, the second I fuck someone else, I find everything out. I block Sharon's number without replying and sigh.
It's morning now and I haven't been able to think of anything other than the fact that Elowyn loves me. She always has. She didn't leave because she was tired of me. She left because she felt like she had to. I quickly get dressed, throwing on a t-shirt and some clean boxers along with my sweatpants. As I stand in the elevator, I tell myself that I'm just going to get some air, but I know what I'm really doing. I cross the busy street and start running through the park. I could end up making a fool of myself. She never did say if she wanted to get back with me. But even that doesn't stop me from sprinting to her building. I'm surprised I can still stand by the time I make it inside My clothes are soaked from the rain and my short hair is now stuck to my forehead.
"I'm here to see Elowyn Abbott." I say to the doorman, panting slightly from the run as my stomach and chest start to ache.
He calls her apartment and after a moment he slowly shakes his head.
"There was no an-"
"Try again. Please."
He does and I push my hair back from my forehead. Our future is in my hands and I need to speak to her. I'm not going to let her slip through my fingers again.
"Mr. Styles is he-" He doesn't even finish his sentence before he's nodding, "You can head up, Sir."
Once I take the elevator, the doors open and she's standing there. We stare at each other as the doors slowly close behind me. She's wearing an oversized Fleetwood Mac t-shirt, one that looks identical to the one I lost. I can tell that she's just woke up, her eyes are slightly red and puffy and her lips are pouty. She turns and walks to the living room as I follow her like a lost puppy. She slowly sits down on the couch and I take a seat opposite her.
