My Riptide

Chapter 23: take it back

Coral-

"River get off." I groan. He lays on top of me, crushing me underneath him.

"No." He groans back.

"Your bout to get kicked in the balls." I groan once again.

"You wouldn't ." He buries his head into my stomach.

I rolls my eyes. Maybe if he smells me he will get off because I need a desperately need a shower.

Before he says something I ask, "Can I use your shower?"

"Yeah." He rolls off of me and opens his bathroom door. He turns on the shower for me and grabs me towels. How sweet that little shit can actually be is crazy.

"Thank you. I won't be long." I smile at him as I stretch my arms.

"Take your time."  He smiles back and places a kiss on my forehead.

I walk into the bathroom and look at the most exhausted girl in the mirror and smile at her. I take off my clothes and look in the mirror once more.

I rub my fingers over the thick scars River kept touching last night. I sigh.

My mind flashes back to last night. Nope I don't want to think about it. I'm not going to.

As soon as I step into the shower I feel the hot drops of water fall to my skin. This is exactly what I needed. I'm going to wash everything off.

I turn the temperature up a little bit making the water warmer. Oh yeah, definitely better. I wet my hair and body and search for the shampoo. Of course it's a two in one. I frown once I read it.

I close my eyes and rest them. I didn't get much sleep last night. The memory of last night comes back.

The reason on why I couldn't sleep.

'God I love you.'

Fuck, it was all going so great. Why? Why did he say that. How could he say that. I mean I don't think he knows I heard him or knows he's not supposed to say that. I should be happy. I want him to love me, but he can't. I'm not risking it. You would have thought he would have gotten a clue right?

Fuck, why? What if he comes back. What if something happens to River. I don't want River to leave. I knew I shouldn't have done this. Why am I doing this to myself? Why did I let him come to close to me. No more people need to come in my life. God, why the fuck did he say that?

I feel my heart racing. My legs are getting weaker. What did I do? What did I do to deserve that? This. I start getting light headed and sit down on shower floor.

I hug my knees to my chest and feel the big scar on my stomach he kept touching last night. It's all my fault.

It's my fault my momma and dad loved me. It's my fault that River does. Why? Why does he? Why did he fucking say that?!

I beat on my knees and legs. My hands run to my face and I can't tell my tears apart from the shower water.

I pull at my bruised neck. I pull at my chest. I pull at my scars. I punch my legs. I stop to look at my shaking hands. Desperately wanting me to stop.

What am I doing? My breathing becomes shorter.

"No. No. No." I whisper to myself.

God please don't take him away from me. He didn't mean it. I might deserve it, but damnit I can't lose him.

I turn the temperature up on the shower higher, making it burn me.

I rock back in forth.

I'm not okay. I need him. He's made me better. Why? Why would he say that. What if he leaves. What will I have? Don't leave me with nothing. I want to be able to sleep again. Don't turn this into a night mare please.

I just got out of this, don't make me go back.

What if he comes back?

What's wrong with me? Make me stop shaking. Stop. Make it stop. Make it stop.

"Make it stop." I whisper. I lay on my back and cover my heart with my shaking hands.

My vision becomes blurrier as the temperature of the water rises. I close my eyes and lay in silence. Letting the silence cancel out the water dropping.

I lay here for a while.

"Peach. You alright?" I hear a voice enter the bathroom.

"Peach, hello?"

I hear the shower curtain open. I feel myself become sick. I don't want him hear right now.

But I do.

"Shit, wake up! No, n-no, no. God damnit Peach wake up! Open them. Open your eyes. Let me see them. Let me see those green eyes. Your okay. Your okay." The water stops and I continue to shake.

"Peach, wake up. You can do it. I know you can hear me, please." I feel a hand on my heart and another behind my neck.

He lifts me out of the shower and wraps a towel around me. Please go.

But I don't want him to.

"Open your eyes." His voice gets weak.

I feel myself breath again. I feel my eyes struggle open. But I still feel myself shaking.
Stop. Stop shaking.

"What happened to you?"

"Take it back." I force the words out of me.

"What?"

"Tell me you didn't mean it please. You didn't mean it. You didn't mean to say it."

"What? Say what?"

"I love you." It's my only clear words. A tear runs down my cheeks.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"You knew! You knew how felt about that! I told you!"

"And I was listening."

"Then why?! Why would you say that to me. Everything is going to be different now! Everything's going to change! I liked it the way it was! Why'd you have to ruin it?!"

"I've been saying it this whole time! I've been telling it to myself, showing it, telling you without even saying it. Nothings going to change on how I feel.

"You don't fucking understand River!" I sob.

"Then help me understand! What is it that's going to change on how I feel about you?"

I look away from him as he kneels down to me and squeezes my hands.

"You can't love me River. Not anymore. Especially when I don't even know what it feels like anymore. All it does is ruin my life. I'm done trying. I gave up on it a long time ago. And I can't lose another person from it, I can't." I wipe my tears from my eyes.

"Impossible. You say you lost everyone that told you that they loved you and you telling me to take my words back before you lose me too is the exact definition of love. Peach, there's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. You've been avoiding it this whole summer while distracting yourself with love this whole time. So you might not want to say it, but I will. I did. And we're going to be okay."

I sob into his shoulder. "I'm sorry. You didn't ruin anything I promise. I didn't mean it when I said that. I shouldn't have said it."

"It's okay."

'We're going to be okay.'

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I thought I wanted to make more chapters before ending the story, but I don't get the point because I'm ready to finally stop writing this book and work on my next one. Now don't get me wrong I love this book and the characters but more ideas keep coming to my head for my next book and none fore any extra chapters In this book. DONT WORRY this is not the last chapter!!! I WOULD NEVER END IT LIKE THIS!!! Anyways I was just saying that the book is slowly reaching to an ending in the next five to ten chapters so stay tuned!

Wordcount- 1331

(NOT EDITED)