My Riptide

Chapter 33: Healed

Coral-

It's been about a week from coming home from the hospital. It's been rough. The hardest thing actually.

I'm supposed to be walking normally but I've already given up. And now all of a sudden River's mom is supposed to be on a flight right now to come and see us?! God I can't get a break from nothing.

River is stress cleaning the house I just sit here on the couch making even more of a mess from our snacks.

I set my snacks down as guilt surrounds my body. My brother usually made these messes. I know cause I had to clean up almost all of them.

The thought of my brother is pushed away once again. I can't keep thinking of him. He's gone. Point. Blank. Period.

Great now I have to pee. I don't want to ask River to help me cause he looks stressed enough.

I lean on the arm of the couch and try and push myself up. After failing around twice I'm finally able to successfully hold myself to stand.

I carefully use all my strength to move my legs, leaving a sharp pain in my knees but more of my left than the other. I groan as I limp over to kitchen island.

Tears form in my eyes as the pain grows worse and worse. I finally make it over to the island but I accidentally knock over glasses River had just washed and was letting air dry.

Along with a few cleaning supplies creating a domino effect, with every item falling and hitting the ground. The cleaning supplies spills everywhere and causes me to slip and land in the massive mess I've created, leaving my whole body an ache of pain I've never felt before.

I look around me at the mess I've created and the mess that's sitting in pain in it.

And that's when I start to break. My tears at nonstop till I hear River rushing over to me.

I can't live like this anymore. I just wanted to go to the bathroom and I make a huge mess, cause more pain, and can't stop thinking about my god damn dead brother. I can't do it anymore.

Why couldn't it be me? I was ready to go before River walked in the trailer. And now I have to suffer with the pain like it's a regular thing for me now. I can't do it anymore.

I sob on the floor as Rivers eyes widen when he sees me.

"What happened to you, baby?" He questions in a soft voice as he sees the disappointing mess around me he has to clean up because of me. I just cause more problems by the second.

"Hey, hey, I've got you." He goes behind me and wraps his arms under my arm pits and lifts me carefully. "What hurts?" He wipes my teary face.

I just shake my head and somehow try and hold everything in pain.

"Use your words, baby." He lifts me on the counter and sets me down gently. He then picks the little shards of glass out of my hands. I wince at the pain.

"Everything. Everything I-I don't e-even I don't  kn-know how to, I can't River I can't." I stutter as sob escapes my body. He just leans me into his shoulder and I burry my head into his neck.

He starts running his finger through my hair to try and calm me. It's working a little I hope.

"I don't think I can live like this anymore." I speak out into his shoulder. My wobbling lips shake as I try and slow my breathing.