My Riptide

Chapter 32: Numbed

Coral-

I've lost a lot of people in my life. All caused by the same person. All caused by the same situation, past, feelings, you name it.

Yet I'm the one that has to suffer with it. I'm the one who has to deal with it like it's new to me or it doesn't bother me because I was aware.

It's as if it's a sign I'm not on this earth to be loved I'm here to 'deal with it' even though it's because of me, it's my situation too.

But I don't want to.

I've been fighting for peace for almost my whole life and this is how it ends? Why?

Nothing in this world could make me understand why I had to be last and live with this so called drenching nightmare.

Why am I having to live through this just because they couldn't?

Why couldn't I go too?

My questions never could be answered. My feelings will never be comforted by the same people again.

I even warned myself this would happen. I knew the more people I would let pass the entrance the more people would just walk out the exit without looking back without at least some hesitation flowing through their bloodstream.

The second River told me he was gone I was in complete shock and felt stoned. Everything in me was hurting so bad it just numbed everything on the outside.

I couldn't and I didn't want to deal with it. I push it away as much as I can, thinking if I would go to sleep, get some rest, I would wake up with him in the room waiting for me to wake up.

But when I woke up from the most horrifying dream that same night I knew it would only be River lying with me and not Reef too.

I haven't eaten, I haven't spoken, It feels like I haven't even blinked. I just sit there in my hospital room staring at this one spot on my wall as time passes waiting for someone to finally yell into my face 'it's a prank!'.

I try to push people away and I end up in the very rotten home where I have lost everyone in, getting beaten to death so my boyfriend and brother to save me just for him to die in the end.

I then let people enter my life but I fall In love with them instead and curse myself for it cause I know one day I'll lose him too.

I can't do anything anywhere anymore because I'm too scared someone will just text me that they are waiting for me when I get home.

I don't understand how I'm going to do this anymore.

I don't even have the mindset to even want to try too. I just feel numbed. And thrown.

"Coral? I know this might seem like a sensitive topic for you right now, If you don't want to talk about this you don't have to, I just need you to give me some kind of words." The therapist's voice speaks out breaking trail of my thoughts of almost an hour.

"Hmm?" I hum in question not paying any sort of attention to the life surrounding me. I'm pretty sure I'm in the therapy room that the hospital offers but I can't even remember when I got in here.

After almost two weeks of being here I've gone through lots of physical therapy and less pain meds which I wish was an option. I don't know why they took me off cause I'm still hurting like I've never hurt before.

I have troubles with walking, standing up and down, laying down, sleeping on my sides, and sometimes lifting.

I'm glad to be bout out of the hospital but I'm not ready to fully be released and doing it myself. I mean I'll have River to help me and Hannah said she'll help out too which is great. It was heartbreaking knowing she knew about Reef.

Even though it disgusted me in a way but they've always loved each other even since childhood. She lost him too.

"Coral I need you to stay focused." The therapist breaks my trail of thought again.

"I'm uhm sorry." I gulp, leaning back and closing my eyes, relaxing in the couch.

"How's your rib? I've heard you had surgery in that area. Are you aware of all your injuries?" She questions me as she doesn't look anywhere but my face.

I nod letting her know I'm conscious at least. She takes a few seconds before she writes stuff down into her notes.

"I'm sorry I uhm, my thoughts just keep spilling out continuously and uhm, words just aren't processing and uhm..." I trail off, feeling the aches in my stomach from talking so much.

"I understand, and never apologize you're just unresponsive that's all. I'm sure you'll warm up soon. And that's okay most times which is almost a reason the session is over for today. Good luck with the drive home today and its best if you would come back maybe next week if your comfortable okay?" I gather all her information as she tidies up her desk.

She calls River inside so he could help me stand. And walk back to my hospital room where all my things are almost packed.

To be honest I'm pretty much just leaning on River and he just 'drags' me down the hall. But whatever works I'll take.

He carefully caries me through the parking garage and sets me in the car. The first time I've been in the car since wrecking.

The flash backs flood my memory. And I can feel a panic rushing through my veins.

The crashing, the honking, the big bright lights soon turning into red and blue, the shattering, the pain, I remember it all.

Before River turns the ignition on he turns to come and contact with me.

"You're safe. I will always drive easy. Does anything hurt?" He grabs my shaky hand and his eye fill with disappointment when I don't respond. A random tear falls from my eye as I look back out the window and don't look back at him. 

He sighs before stopping my fidgeting fingers."Speak to me Peach. Don't fucking hold yourself in, let me have you. Don't let me break in front of you." He rubs my hand with his thumb gently and a quiet sob is heard from myself.

All of a sudden I feel my stomach turn at the feeling of how much I'm hurting him.

"I'm sorry."I say with a wobbling voice. He grabs my cheeks and turns faces my face towards his and wipes my tears. "I don't want to cry anymore." I whisper to him.

"You don't have to, baby. I know what will make you happy." His grin perks up as he makes sure I'm buckled in all the way as he backs up.

He drives to the target five minutes from the hospital and comes back out to the car with 6 cases of Caprisun in his hands.

And for the first time in two weeks I actually smile and get full of excitement as her hands me a pack to drink on the whole ride home.

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Hey guys!!!!! Let me know your opinions on this chapter pls!! I tried putting in more detail and I think it actually is a really good one but idk. Also My Riptide is almost at 3k READS AYAYYAAYAYAY!!

Anyways my first week of school is next week 🥲 why does my summer break have to end while summer is still here for a whole other MONTH. It's stupid. And I don't feel like going back to school and see everyone's faces again like bfr with me rn. Plus I've had cheer practice all summer so I've barely even had a summer tbh. Ugh school just irritates me. BADLY.

Okay I got my school rant out but anyways I hope you enjoyed and not many more chapters to go actually. We are really really really really reallyyyy close to the end :) finally cause I really reallly really really want to start my next book I've been thinking of and working on for about over half a year now so stay tuned :)!!!!!

Wordcount: 1387

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