The Perfect Shot (Book 3) ✓

11 - Agreement

Hannah

"... You shouldn't hide yourself..." If only Cleo knew how much I wanted to stop that charade. But I couldn't, not right now, maybe not ever. And it was hurtful because it was true what he was saying. That I was living for what the people might say. But the position I was in, who my father was, it wasn't a choice to be reckless, and to be with Cleo, I knew this was the way we were going to be seen.

"Cleo, it's not that easy, and you know it. I can't..."

"Of course, it is! Look." He moved the boxes of food on the other side of him while he slid closer to me. "Did you have fun that night?"

"You know I did."

"Do you want to try it again?"

"Cleo, it's..."

"It's a simple question, Hannah, yes or no, do you want to repeat it?"

"Yes, but..." He quickly put his finger on my lips to stop my protest.

"Do you think everyone should know about your sex life?"

"Of course not! What kind of question is that?"

"Then why are you stopping yourself from something you want, about something you believe shouldn't matter to others?"

"Because it's not that black and while like you try to present it, Cleo. Of course, I don't think people should know who I'm sleeping with, but that doesn't mean they won't try to find out and give their opinion on it. Do you know what will happen if the town finds out about us? What they'll think of us? Of you? They'll think that the town playboy managed to seduce the good chief's daughter and that I was too struck or too dumb to prevent it or some shit like that."

"I don't care what they think of me, Hannah..."

"But I do! Can't you see it?! The bad persona you have right now will become even worse... and I don't want to even think about my father and his reaction. It was fun while it lasted, Cleo...but, unfortunately, until we are both living in this small town, there isn't any kind of future that include us being together...I can't see it happening."

"Well, no one wants you to see it. We can't predict what will happen in the future, but we for sure act on the stuff that is happening right now, on the feelings that are happening right now."

"Cleo..."

"No, Hannah, listen. I don't want you to walk in town hand in hand with me, kissing and hugging everywhere. I'm wise enough to know that this will be kind of strange and out of nowhere. But that doesn't mean we can't see each other without people's eyes on us. We can talk and get to know each other better to see if what we have is just good sex and nothing else."

"Cleo...as my father said...you aren't known for the relationships you had..."

"I like to fuck, Hannah, and I don't see any problem with that. Do you?"

"Of course, not. I already told you that."

"But that doesn't mean that I see all my life jumping from one bed to another, sleeping with different women. I can't say it's something I see myself doing for the long run. And yes, I may not have a lot of experience being a boyfriend, but that doesn't mean I can't learn to be one."

"Cleo..."

"No, listen. The only reason I am sleeping with different women is because I don't want any one of them to think there's something more than a physical...exchange, or connection, or whatever you want to call it. And I didn't want them to think there could be something more, because I couldn't see it becoming something more. I don't have long and meaningful conversations with them, I don't care what they eat, where they work, are they happy, sad. And before you say I'm not a nice person about not caring, you can be 100% sure that they have no problem with me not caring or knowing facts about them. They want one thing from me, I want the same, and after it – everyone goes on their way. The women I've been sleeping with... they are not girlfriend material, Hannah. No, they have no problem with that. I have no problem with that. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to have a girlfriend. That I don't want to have a deeper connection with someone because I do. And...look...I'm not saying we are going to get married. No one can predict that far in the future. And I can't promise you that kind of future, but that doesn't mean we won't get on that path after we get to know each other better. We can get closer, or we can see that nothing can happen and everyone can go on their way. But not trying...that is a mistake, Hannah. We both know it." I knew what he was talking about. I ready did. I was a little bit shocked when he said he wanted a relationship. I wasn't expecting that from him, and that thought alone made me realize how much I was thinking like the other people around me. I was also thinking his lifestyle was something he'll continue to practice for as long as he could. I didn't even think that he was just...waiting for someone... suitable for something more. And here we were, him proposing me something more without the weight of expectations for combining our future. The only problem we had were the people around us...but...once again he was giving me an option...to be kind of secretive while we get to know each other...which sounded really tempting at the moment, but I wasn't sure we'll be able to pull it off. Not with how small our town was and with who we were.