A Game Of Hearts And Minds

CHAPTER IXXX - Deal with the devil

It had in fact all been real, I believed so. Maybe the bullet Moriarty shot me with had been my luck. Because of that bullet, the surgeons were able to operate on me, and as they were operating, they found the pieces of metal and residu of the last time that I was shot and they were able to remove them. I only knew when I woke up that I was in fact still alive, I hadn't planned this. The scartissue was still present, but as it would not get any worse since the pieces of residu were removed, I would be able to make my recovery. Maybe not fully back to my 'original state', but at least I would live. Another period of time to live with Sherlock. 

I knew that if he continued to take in the amount of drugs he had been taking at the rates he had been taking it over the past months, that our time would be limited. Even now when I was alive. He needed to stop using, that was of course easy, coming from the non-addict. But I realised just how hard coming clean was, so I realised that I needed to do something, one more kind of act to get Sherlock on his tippy-toes. If by this time, you are thinking about Moriarity, and how if I was alive he sure would be too, congrats! You are beginning to think like me. 

But right now, I wasn't that sure if Moriarity was alive. I mean, I did poke him somewhat agressively with a knife, maybe a little too agressive, although there was no such thing as too much with these types of people.. There was one thing that I could try however, was contact him. And so I tried my luck. 

Suprise! Not dead. What 'bout you?

~LH

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My recovery brought a fragile peace, but a unexpected message back from Moriarity disrupted the calm, stirring a storm I couldn't ignore. As I contemplated the surprise of my own survival, I realized - Moriarity's reappearance could not be ignored. With a newfound urgency, I knew I had to act, not just for myself, but for Sherlock, whose own battles were pushing the boundaries of his endurance. So we made a deal, one last deal with the devil.

Sherlock and I sat atop the roof of 221B. It had become a weekly thing now, sort of like a date night. Instead of living our life in constant anticipation of what was to happen next and with the thought that we were immortal, we started appreciating the little moments more. Sherlocks hand was resting on mine, while mine was clamped around the edge of the roof, my legs dangling down and the busy streets of London down below. 

"How's the rehab?" I asked, my voice almost a whisper. I knew Sherlock didn't want to talk about this kind of stuff, but he had to talk to someone. He had denied the therapist that Mycroft had arranged for him, he was of thought that he didn't need professional help. Although, we all know, that sometimes we need to search for professional help, no matter how bad you'd rather shut it down. Mycroft had showed me that. 

I had been at an all time low once, when I worked for MI6 and wasn't married to Sherlock yet. You know, that feeling that everything passes by in slow motion, and you constantly feel like slipping into one of the darkest holes ever? Yeah, that feeling. Where you feel that if someone pushes your wrong button, you might actually go mad? Constant exhaustement, constant pain, constant, darkness... Mycroft had ordered me to visit a therapist at that time, and even though I hadn't expected it, it helped. So just a reminder for anyone out there who feels like that; it's okay to feel that way, but be sure to talk to someone, and ask for help if you feel like you need it.

Sherlock kept silent, and that was enough of an answer for me. "Sher, you need to talk to someone about this. I get that it's hard, I've been there. But you need to talk. To someone, to anyone-" I said softly. Sherlock sighed heavily beside me. "All of this wouldn't have happened if you never 'died'!" 

I was taken aback by his sudden change in demeanor at first, but when that settled in I realised the gravity of the words he had just spoken. "I did that, for you! I walked though fire, for you! I fought for my life, for you! " I snapped back.