The Cat Orphanage

CHAPTER 2

if your ocean is dry, the salt scraped away. Dig dear, dig deep till you reach the flood of love buried underneath. I see its trance in those rivers running down on people's faces. Unforgettable beauty shimmers from the sea underneath.

I haven't eaten or gone to school for 2 days. I am scared. I have never felt so much fear running through my veins. I imagine scenarios in my head.

I kicked Aaron and abandoned him while he was in extreme pain, while he needed help, even if it was my fault. What will happen if I go to school? What will happen if I step back to hell? Should I change schools? Should I ask Mother Giselle to help me? How can I though? She doesn't know sign language either.

I lie on my bed as I stare out of the window. Hazel, my cat, is sitting on my lap again. I don't complain. It gives me comfort more than anything; I lied. It is the only thing that gives me comfort. I pet Hazel's head as I watch younger kids play in the playground of the orphanage. I wonder when I will truly find someone who loves me and doesn't care about my disability. I think about Roxanna. I think about how her expression changed when she saw my note.

I don't know sign language but I will try to communicate. I think this is the best sentence I have ever read. Did she actually mean that or was she only trying to comfort me? Did she actually want to be my friend?

Does she want to be friends with a freak like me?

My cat is meowing again but I don't hear her. I keep staring out of the window. For 16 years, I watched kids having fun and making new friends, finding company and peace. 

For 16 years I watched kids finding family. I watched kids getting adopted.

I never felt that. I remember William C. Hannan's words:

Sometimes all you can do is lie in bed, and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart.

Well, there is a difference with me right now. I hope to fall asleep and never wake up again. I don't think anyone would care. I am lost in my thoughts but I snap back to reality. I look at my cat and my thoughts disappear. I can't leave Hazel like people left me. What would happen to her if I joined my parents in heaven? I can't do the same to her. I am all she has and she is all I have. 

Hazel climbs onto my lap and rests there. I look at her and pet her head and body. Her eyes close and she sleeps there. I don't want to move or else she'll wake up. She deserves a peaceful sleep too. She is just a cat who deserves love like every other animal.

How can a person murder a cat? Murder something so sweet and innocent and do nothing about it? Animals also need justice, just like humans. If I had control over something like this, I would make animal murderers pay for what they did. I want to protect Hazel but I have no idea how. How can I protect someone when no one protected me?

I lift my head and look out of the window. It's dark already. I check the time and It's already 7 pm. It's time for dinner. I lift Hazel and place her in her cat bed. I change my clothes. I wear some black sweatpants and a plain white shirt. I tie my hair in a ponytail.

I need a haircut. 

I wear my slippers and step out of my room. I go to the lobby and walk in the cafeteria of the orphanage.

...

Today is September 15. I decided to go back to school because I need to pass my exams. I can't skip more classes. I have to face the bullying that is coming for me. I grab my grey backpack and put on a cute dress with flowers on it. The dress is green and the daisies are white. I like it on me. I let my hair down today. My hair is reaching my waist. Maybe I should get a bob cut, hm?