The Cat Orphanage

CHAPTER 26

Once upon a time there was a girl who loved cats with her whole heart. She loved her parents too, but her parents didn't like her that much. So, instead, she found her comfort in cats. She knew she wasn't loved and she wouldn't be loved by anyone, but she fought,  she fought heart because she believed there was still a little bit of humanity. But mindset changed. It changed when her so-called friends killed her cat. She was lost. She didn't know what to do. She would lock herself in her room and she wouldn't eat. She even developed an eating disorder. Her parents noticed that and they thought a therapist would help her, but it didn't. The therapist just asked her bunch of questions, gave her antidepressants and many other pills. They thought she was insane, lunatic. The therapist suggested her parents to take her to a hospital because what she was in this girl was weird. So her parents took her to a hospital, but it didn't help her. The nurses thought she was insane, lunatic. So the nurses suggested her parents to let go of her and keep it in the mental hospital. The girl was murmuring to herself. She would say she wanted her parents. She was desperate for love. She was desperate for comfort. She found her needs in that cat, which was killed. The nurses isolated her. They thought she needed to be alone. They didn't let her meet and speak with other people because they thought she would hurt them. The little girl grew up. As she grew up, she grew apart from the world too. She didn't know what human life was like. She thought every other human being had died and she was alone. She would pull her hair until it hurt. But eventually she gave up. She understood that she was insane. She thought she was insane. 

But all those years, the only thing she said was two words: Help me.

She begged for love and comfort. She needed a shoulder to cry on. But she gave up, because she realised she would never have the life her Barbie dolls had. She would never feel that love. She would never experience a normal life because she was crazy. Or at least she thought.

And I feel that girl. I feel like she is inside my body, inside my bones. I feel like she is cursing me. I feel like she wants me to be like her. Maybe that's fine sometimes in my mind I only think of 1 word. It's either a name, or a... It's just a name. 

Either my own or Aaron's or Hazel's name.

But that's not me. I never think of one word for a day. I feel like it's that one girl asking for help. It's covering my body and killing my mind, killing me.

I stare at the antidepressants, which I'm holding right now. Poppy told me to take them to help myself. 

Don't take them, don't end up like me. 

Don't take them, don't end up like me.

Don't take them, don't end up like me.

Don't take them, don't end up like me.

Don't take them, don't end up like me.

My mind keeps repeating it.

Don't let them win, don't end up like me.

Don't let them win, don't end up like me.

Don't let them win, don't end up like me.

Don't let them win, don't end up like me.

Don't let them win, don't end up like me.

My mind keeps repeating it.

...

I lie on my bed, staring at the wall, not knowing what to do. Aaron says I was crying in sobbing in my sleep, but I didn't feel it. He looks very concerned for me. He doesn't need to. I'll be fine, right?