Forgotten Past (Harry Potter variousXfem!reader)

CH 9- Pain

"But...I didn't feel any different."

Their eyes widened in horror as they realized what I had said. More specifically, Remus. 

"I'm going out from some time, keep eating chocolate it'll help and you..I want to have a word with you later." He said directing those word towards me. 'Such a soft voice...I think he was the best DADA teacher during the whole series.' 

The trio still looked at me confused so quickly dismissing the topic I said,

"I'm finee, stop looking at me like that..."  Hermione and Ron calmed a bit but Harry looked still looked at me suspiciously, as if he was a bit hurt. I am guessing it's because of the attack. 

Harry pov

'What a liar...'

Y/n pov

"Harry.. What's wrong?"

"Nothing" He said, quite a bit rudely if I might add, and got up and left...

'Maybe he didn't want to talk to us about his mom..'

Hermione and Ron wanted to ease the tension but nothing worked so they asked me to sleep and soon themselves dozed off. 

Time Skip

"Let the feast...begin."

The table lines with hundreds of dishes which looked appetising, only thing is I didn't feel like actually eating any of it. Harry wasn't really talking to me. It wouldn't be considered as ignoring, like he still answered me but...he never really initiated a conversation. I hate it.

The irritation only increased throughout the feast. Hermione and Ron both were just as confused as I am but nobody really did anything about it. 

I was about to finally ask Harry what was wrong after my brain decided to calm down a bit. This was when I heard something that would actually unfortunately make Harry's mood even worse.

"Pottah, is it true you fainted? I mean you actually fainted?"

"Shove off Malfoy."

I waved at Draco with a soft smile, as for some reason that actually lightened up my mood a bit. As soon as he looked at me, he abruptly turned away and I saw Blaise, who was sitting in front of him, chuckling. It looked like he said something which made Draco really embarrassed. 

'Whatever.'

"Hey, come on y/n, the feast is over."

"Coming" I said with my head down not looking at Hermione. She could tell my mood wasn't the best that time, so she didn't mind me being a bit rude.

We soon reached the common room, where we bid the boys, or well boy, goodbye and went to our dorms. 

As soon as I reached, I quickly finished my homework and went to bed. Hermione looked at me sympathetically. She knew how much I valued Harry, his past being very similar to me. I wanted to, I really did want to apologise to him for whatever I did and pull him in a hug. Tell him to never be this stupid again. I didn't want to sleep either. I hated my nightmares, they are less frequent but I'm too scared to sleep. And me always feeling a bit nauseous. These aftereffects of parallel world travel have been happening to me for several hundred years. Pain was nothing to new to me. But...it was never emotional.

In none of the other series, have I spent this much time with the main characters and actually be friends with them. And me being the same as Harry.. You would think since I'm not from this world, none of these things would matter to me. In my original world...With my real parents, siblings and friends....All of them died in front of me. Tortured to death. Ruthlessly murdered.....All happening in front of my eyes. So no.. I'm not the same as Harry... Everything is worse...It always has been.

I needed to get these things of my head, before they corrupt me and I go completely mad. Without saying anything, I got out of my bed and signalled Hermione to stay quiet. 

"I'll be back in some time, don't come after me."

"Bu-"  I looked at her and her eyes widened, her breathing quickened and a wave of grief washed over her face. She silently looked at me trying to compose herself silently and I headed out. 

I didn't know where to go.... But anywhere far away from people. I wanted to be alone. "The astronomy tower" I quietly muttered to myself and cast an invisibility spell before heading to the tower. 

Nobody would be there, it'll be just me...Like always. As I was walking up the stairs of the tower, my mind wandered to the events that happened today. Only one thing was unclear...Why did Hermione look at me like that....Is it something on my face...

"Accio Mirro-, actually, I'll look at it later" I mumbled this to myself and I soon reached the top. 

The moonlight hit my face comfortingly, it was something which has comforted me throughout my life. The stars illuminated the sky like gems in the darkness. It was really quiet, but also very peaceful. I wish I could just stay here forever.

!Warning-Suicide attempt!

But I can...Cant I?...If I do it now...I can have a small time of peace during my last breaths. Then maybe it would all finally be over. The sadness I have to face alone all the time. My body moved itself, like I wasn't the one controlling it. It wasn't me...It was the voice I heard when I got petrified....As if its trying to tell me something...But my pain has always won, and today was no different. 

In the darkest corners of my mind, I battled with overwhelming despair. The weight of my troubles felt unbearable, pushing myself to the edge of a precipice(1) I never imagined I'd face. As I stood on the ledge, contemplating the unthinkable, a shiver ran down my spine. I felt cold, my hands were numb, and my face turned pale. This was the true me...This was me in my original world before I succumbed to the darkness. I lifted my leg wanting to be done with everything soon, but I couldn't do it without talking to my friends first...Right....One of them is ignoring me and the other two couldn't care less...

I was standing on the ledge holding only a pillar...As soon as I would let go, I would be dead. Nervousness gripped my heart...It isn't like its the first time I'm doing this...Why is it so hard....Should I stop...No...Im tired of everything....

My breathing quickened and I finally took a last few huffs of air before my hand slipped away slowly from the pillar. I was waiting for the air to finally hit my face....But that never happened. A large, warm and strong hand had grabbed me from my arm and pulled me up, me eyes closed because it hurt to open them....Who would try and help me...?  The voice, breaking down, whimpering, let out, 

"Y/n.....Why.....?..."

Precipice-A very steep side of a mountain or cliff