HAFSAT ✔

THREE

I went through my row of trousers looking for the one I had in mind.I feel my brows knit in confusion. I pictured the clothes I would wear before I slept off last night, I need to find it.

My eyes landed on a set of washed, unironed clothes. I silently prayed for it to be there as I went through it. I sighed in relief when my hands came in contact with my skinny jeans.
I removed the creases on it with an iron, dropped in on the bed then went back to my wardrobe to find a blouse. Going out can be so stressful for someone like me who can't settle on just any cloth.

Yaay there was a beautiful blouse of mine. It was red, tight at the waist then flowed. The material was transparent at the chest area.
After a long while, Abbas and I are finally going out on a date and I decided to go all out. If nothing, to at least make him happy because he has been there for me during my lonely moments. Which was everyday.

And dare I forget how much Abbas loves it when I dress up. His words whenever we plan to go out were, "Dont forget, I don't like it when you cover up too much."

I have never gone so extreme by wearing a blouse like this outside showing my cleavage but I desperately want to make him happy.
Because of that, I have to sneak out. Mama would skin me alive if she sees me. She is always scolding me for going out with jeans, I can't add to that.

I was in my towel so I put on the clothes I picked out. I put on a matching cap and drew it back to reveal half of my fulani curls.

I put on kohl before admiring myself in the mirror.My heart dipped to my stomach, the blouse was revealing too much.Unconciously, I bit my pinky finger in doubt.
Is this thing I'm doing right?

Don't think too much Hafsah. Remember, Abbas would love it.

To be frank, I love it when Abbas praises me. He would always admire me openly and tell me I was beautiful. Before we started dating, no one has ever praised me that way, I got addicted.

Yes, my face was pretty. But my secondary school days made me hungry for more. I used to get jealous when I found out almost everyone was dating. Everyday, I kept overthinking why no one has ever asked me out. Slowly, I started hating my body.
Now that I have started growing into a woman at the age of 18, I wish I could go back to my younger self and assure her that she would grow up beautiful. I would tell her to live in the moment,dating isn't all there is to teenage life.

Abbas happened too.Till date, he soothes my inner child when my insecurities resurface.

I grabbed a veil then opened my room door slightly and noiselessly, I almost jumped in joy when I heard no noise coming from the kitchen or living room. The coast is clear.

I freezed my tiptoe-ing when I heard the sound of the kitchen door. Please, let it be the wind.

"Kehh!"

Shikenan...

I slowly turned to face Mama.

"Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un."She held unto a coach for support before sitting down.

"Do you want to send me to an early grave?"

"Where are you off to like this?"
Mama came to stand in front of me and she hissed when she saw the blouse.

I need to come up with something or Mama would slap me senseless.

"My...my friends."

"Since when did you have friends?"She countered, "Your only friend I know of is abroad,studying to benefit her life."

Oh there goes the comparison.

"I made friends at the salon."
I lied easily without giving my expression away.

"Rufe mun baki!"

Mama almost decorated my face with a slap. I moved away from her quickly.

"Go change into something else and bring these for me."

"For you? Mama what will you do with them?"
Wallahi if I ain't careful Mama would beat me black and blue. But this is my favorite skinny jeans we talking about.

"I'm going to wear it." The sarcasm was dripping from her voice."Mara kunyan yarinya"

I let out a wail when my Mama's hand collided withmy back in a painful slap. I ran to my room to avoid more.

I changed into an ankara gown sharp sharp. I heard my phone beep, indicating a message but I didn't check. It has to be Abbas.

"I am cutting them into pieces. I can't have you dressing like a prostitute." Mama said when I handed her the clothes.

I thought it was over but I was caught offguard by Mama's words,
"Where's your hijab?"She thundered.

Mama indicated for me to wait then went into her room. She emerged with a hijab.
She removed my cap and forced the hijab on me.
I left home with tears in my eyes.

With the sleeve of my gown, I wiped my tear stained cheeks.
I called Abbas immediately I got off the taxi. He said to wait for him.

From where I stood, I sighted him coming out of his car. He looked around for me. He walked past me not knowing it was me.

I called his name in a small voice,"Abbas."
He turned around with calculated steps, assesssing the faces of people. His eyes finally caught mine and his features relax in recognition.

He eyed me from head to toe. Abbas was confused. Then annoyed. He tucked his hands in his jeans pocket and moved closer.

"What's this you're wearing?"

I looked up at him and got lost in his handsome face for a second. "Sorry."

"Hafsah? You want me to go around with you looking like this?"

I am pained. Yes, I love this man but there's a limit to the disrespectfulness I can take.
My hands squeezed the sides of my hijab in fury, "Looking like what?"

"I'm not up for this. See you!"He gave a short laugh dripping with mockery. Abbas left me there standing.
I look around to see if people were watching my moment of disgrace.I see no eyes on me.

Why would he treat me like that? Am I not enough? Am I not worthy of love? Am I some piece of trash that doesn't deserve respect from her own boyfriend? Boyfriend, my foot.
I'm so done with Abbas, we are breaking up.

I would walk home to calm my mind. Maybe this tightness of my chest would stop. It's killing me.

The breeze blew my dress and I wished it would take with it my worries and self esteem issues.
The hot sun radiated everywhere and I wished my heart had so much light in it.
The flowers were so beautiful. Oh what I would give to have a beautiful life.

"E'erm!" A fake clearing of throat brought me back to reality. I was almost home.

I looked over my shoulder to see the creep, that smirk never leaving his face. It has been more than a week and this guy hasn't let me breathe whenever I pass by.

"Why are you crying, miss?"
I put my hand to my cheek. Indeed, I was.

My boyfriend invited me on a date and discarded me before it even began?

I turned around and the creep fell in step with me.

I must walk slowly if not he would know where I live. Can someone just look up the internet and tell me how to get rid of creepy guys?

"You know, crying rinses the debris in your eyes. So there's nothing wrong with that sometimes."
He looks so proud of the information he was giving out.

With the fakest smile I could form,"Wow,that really helped,"I replied.

"Really?"His smile was too genuine to be fake.

Too bad, I don't have the energy to entertain him.

"Leave me alone,"I said instead.

He looked at me with a puzzled expression. I guess he understood because he halted his steps and raised his hands in surrender.

I walked away. Not looking back even once.