HAFSAT ✔

ELEVEN

11.

Apart from Islamiyya, my days have been filled with Hamza and so have my thoughts.

I can't seem to get him off my mind even for a second.
I don't understand the bond between us really.
I've had male friends in the past; a ton of them I tell you, but never have I being so distracted. This is absolutely foreign to me.

With a long sigh, I went into the bathroom to take my bath and brush my teeth. I got dressed in palazzo pants and a black blouse then put on my uniform hijab.

It was thirty minutes to 10, I could use some time to finish memorizing my daily page. I picked out my small Quran to use on the road before heading to Mama's room to say bye.

Classes were getting intense as we moved deeper into each subject. Required of us is to memorize everything as it came,just like the Quran. Especially the hadith, we couldn't risk changing anything from the main point and the chain of transmitters.
Although it's really nice to hear them roll off my tongue when practicing, it scares me sometime.

It's November by the way; two months since I've joined this beautiful blessed school. I'm in Surah an-Nisa and the only the I can say is, the further I go with memorization, the stronger the urge to do better. It keeps getting sweeter by Allah.

My ustaz though has advised to take it in my stride and to not overdo just because I want to be done. There's more to the Qur'an than memorizing he says. Memorization is just the beginning. And I'm loving it already.

Now enough about my Islamiyya.
After zuhr, I headed home.
Just as I expected, Hamza's car was parked in front of my house.

What's with him and coming out in the hot afternoon everytime? Beats me.

And yes, this has been going on for two months.

Sometimes, he goes days without coming though.

Excitedly, I hope into his car with a Salam.

"Waalaykumus Salam, Hafsy baby."

My eyes widened at the new nickname, "Well done,  Hamza."

"What are we doing today?" He asks,giving me his full attention.

We've dropped the act of meeting to practice photography a long time ago. I think we've both silently acknowledged that we love being in each other's presence.

As much as it disturbs me to lie to Mama about resting in the masjid after classes, I can't seem to stop. I'm always looking forward to meeting him and a day without him isn't something I love going through.

"I don't know. "

"Let me take you out..?"

I sat up straight in alarm, "Mama won't approve."

"Hafsaaatt.."

"No, Hamza don't start."
I know what he wanted to say. This isn't the first time he's trying to convince me to go out without Mama's knowledge. But there's a limit to my rebelliousness.

"Okay. How was your classes by the way?" He shifts the convo and I couldn't be more grateful.

"I'm now in sura..."

His phone rings and he raises his index finger, "sorry, one minute. "

I catch a glimpse of heart emojis attached to the name.
My heart squeezed; like literally, when I heard him call the person on the other line with baby. I thought that was specially meant for me. Yes I always ask him to stop but I love it deep down.

The call volume was loud and since we were sitting closely,  I could hear her voice. It was sweet, small and high pitched. She must be pretty too.

It hurts.
But why?

After he's done, "Um, Hafsy baby?"

Hamza is so shameless I swear. Can't he see the hurt in my eyes?
I locked eyes with him not bothering to answer.

"I..erm..have to go. I'm needed somewhere."

Rubbish.

"Sure. I'll just get out of your car." I adjust the tote bag on my shoulder and got off.

"Hafs..."
I bang the door hard and speed walked to the house.

I need my pillow right now. There are heavy tears that need to be let out. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

~||~

I stretched my body for as long as I can before sitting up.
My face felt heavy and swollen. For a minute, I couldn't recall anything.
Then it hit me, Hamza's betrayal.

With a silent hiss, I plugged out my torchlight phone that was full. It's almost maghrib so I used the time to perform ablution then prayed.
I revised the pages of my new memorization before hopping on my bed. I couldn't concentrate but I did it anyway.

You see, I'm that kind of person that can't hold it in for long. I prefer letting things out if not it would consume the whole of me.

Without thinking further, I picked up my phone and searched for his number. I spent a few minutes looking at it while trying to construct a speech in my head.

Just as I was about to press the button to call, the phone vibrated in my hands. It was him;I answered.

"Hello?" I speak first.

"Hafsy baby, yakk?" No Habiby, not today.

"You had a girlfriend?" I went straight to the point.

"Um...yes?"

"And you didn't think I should know?"

"Hafsat, what do you mean?"

"The hours we spent together. The deep conversations we had. Did they not mean anything to you?"

"Every single one was priceless baby."

"Hamza what do you really think of me? You think I'm a robot without a heart so I have no feelings?"
I take a deep breath to calm myself down. If I'm not careful I'll turn this into a confession night.

"Hafsat? I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way. Please, I need you to explain what's wrong. I don't understand the change of attitude since earlier..."

"Never mind. I don't feel well. Sai da safe."

"Allah ya tashe...."
Yeah I cut the call.

I'm just gonna cry, sleep some more then go out for food later when Mama is asleep.

~~||~~

Let's award Hafsat with best in bad communication 😏

Is Hamza alright upstairs tho?