ITTWACP • NACP

Chapter 23

-Chapter 23-

At that moment, a voice that seemed like it could be extinguished at any moment called out to me.

"Hey, are you in a lot of pain?"

I sobbed and turned around to see a girl about my age with no hair on her head.

Her cheeks were sunken in and she was as pale as if she'd been covered in a layer of flour, but as far as I could tell, she was a beautiful child.

I shook my head. "Sob, n-no......"

She came to my side, pushing the IV rack aside with a worried look on her face.

"Then why are you crying so much?"

"I'm sorry if I was noisy......." I apologized.

"No, I cry a lot too. Is it because you're scared of dying too?"

At that moment, for some reason, I felt uneasy.

"I'd rather be dead!"

"What? Why......?" the child asked in surprise.

"My mom and dad think I'm nothing but a nuisance, and when I found out that my brother's bone marrow was a match for me, he told me to die. Sob...... I'd rather be dead now."

I don't know why I told that story to a child I didn't even know.

And I don't know why I said something so flippant in a leukemia hospital room, where the shadow of death always looms.

She sat next to me, twiddling her fingers in silence for a while, then said in a very small voice, "Why...... are you talking about...... dying when you can live?"

It was such a small voice, and I held my breath.

She continued, "Because if you live...... you can change the future, and sure, you might not be happy...... but at least you're taking a chance."

"Ah......"

Her hand tightens into a small fist in her lap. "I don't even have that chance. The day I leave this hospital room is the day I die, and if I die, I won't be able to repay my mom and dad for all they've done for me, I won't be able to see my friends anymore, and I won't be able to turn twenty."

Her pretty eyes were watery. "I envy you so much, but...... don't say that. If you can live, you should live somehow. Don't just give up......"

"I'm sorry......"

All I could do was say I was sorry to a child who looked so much worse than me.

A few days later, I got my bone marrow transplant.

As I was waiting in the recovery room for my brother's bone marrow transplant, a nurse came over and said, "Luckily, there's a bed available in a five-person room. We're getting it ready now, so please wait here for a bit."

My parents rubbed their chests, saying how lucky they were because they almost had to go to a double-occupancy room.

I didn't think much of it at the time.

But when I returned to the hospital room, it was the same one I'd been in for days, only my bed had been changed to that child's bed.

"E- excuse me! Where is the child who was here......"

My mom furrowed her brow and elbowed me in the side as I wondered about the child's whereabouts.

"You're not supposed to ask that here!" She hissed.

Only then did I realize

The child had left the hospital after a long stay.

"The day I leave this hospital room is the day I die."