Spring

Chapter Thirteen

Sage Gibson

Life's been great. After the mall on Saturday, Natalie and I spent the rest of the weekend hanging out with our mom. It was fun. Then Monday seemed to fly by. Practices were fun, and people were talking to me in classes.

I even think Ethan is starting to like me. He hasn't said much to me, but he hasn't been rude either. I think that means he doesn't really know what to think about me, or he just doesn't care. Totally fine, some people need to warm up to me first.

Today was great too. Marc and Ethan ate lunch with us, and it felt like we were a group of friends. It was nice. Then, after school Natalie made me play barbies with her. Which, didn't conpletely suck either.

Now, I'm not fine. I couldn't sleep, and then suddenly it was two in the morning. It only got worse when I realized Mom hadn't come home yet, so now I can't sleep and I'm worried.

It's three forty-eight. Where is she? My head hurts and I'm not sure why. I would take a Tylenol but I can't trust myself to know whether I took one earlier or of I just thought about it. Why am I like this?

I want my mom.

"Bubba." I look up at the voice. It's Mom. I must've not heard the door opening.

She slips off her coat and shoes quickly, coming over to me on the couch. She doesn't even get there before I break down. I don't know what happens, but my body reacts before I can process anything. Sobs escape me and I curl in on myself.

Mom quickly falls onto the couch next to me and wraps me in her arms. I lay my head on her shoulder and let my tears wet her shirt. I feel like a little kid again.

A memory flashes through my mind of being eight and in this exact position. I don't remember what exactly was wrong with me then, but lots of things were. Lots of things still are.

I haven't changed much as I've gotten older. The most that's happened is I've learned how to be happier when I'm around people. The moment they're gone, though, that all washes away and I'm the same as I always was. A hurt, scared little boy who wants his mommy.

"I'm pathetic."

Mom rubs my back. I can hear her whispering gently to me, but not what she's saying. I clutch onto her.

"I've got you. Take deep breaths." Finally her words start to register in my ears as she rocks us back in forth. It just makes me sob harder. "I'm so sorry, bub. I'm so sorry."

I shake my head. "It's not your fault."

And it's not. She didn't put us in this extremely shitty situation. I've never once blamed my mom for anything. She could've realized some things sooner and tried to fix them, but she's only human. She loves us and tries to do what's best for us. It's not her fault.

"It isn't on you." I tell her again, just so she hears it.

"Okay." She nods, and I hear her sniffle too. "Okay."

She lets me cry for a while. When it finally all gets out of my system, she lets me lay down and lay my head on her lap. My eyes feel like there's no moisture left in them after crying. They actually burn from feeling so dry.

Mom smooths down my hair on the side of my head. She's essentially petting me, but it feels good and calms me down. It's just something she realized helps me relax, and has been doing it ever since.

I can tell when she starts to cry a little. I can hear her sniffle every once in a while, and her hand gets shakier. She stops after only a minute or two, but it's long enough to break my heart.