Do or Die | A Slipknot story

chapter five

Six months. Six months I was clean, and now its ruined. The guys know too, which only adds to my guilt. They're hurting because I hurt myself. If I had just thrown that stupid blade away, I wouldn't have been able to do that, but nope. Alex Taylor is just too selfish.

I sat with my head in my hands the next morning, smoking an e-cig my dad got me last night. They were actually pretty cool, smoking but not harming your lungs was cool, right? The main goal was to get me to stop smoking completely, I mean, I'm fourteen and I smoke. That's terrible.

My objective today was to isolate myself from everybody. Nobody wanted to see me, a teenager with fresh cuts along her wrists. They found out, and now they're sad, and they feel bad. And its nobody's fault but mine.

I sighed as I put away the electronic cigarette. For whatever reason, I felt the need to wash away my sorrows. With nothing but a drink. But that's the worst solution, honestly. The smoking caused this whole situation, anyway. Drinking would make it worse, like way worse.

I figured I had already been selfish enough, so I build up the courage to go downstairs and confront my dad. Swinging my legs off the window seat, I placed my aching feet on the ground and hesitantly stood. My sore legs managed to carry me out of my bedroom and downstairs. When I entered the kitchen, I noticed everybody was there. Stephanie was cooking lunch I assume, and my dad was discussing of course the album with everybody. I kept my head down and took a seat at the kitchen island, close to Stephanie. She walked from the stove and placed her hand on my head that was laying on the island. Her skinny, fragile fingers gently caressed my head as I fought back tears. All eyes were on me at this point, and I couldn't hold it back. The tears came, and for once, I finally opened up to someone other than my mother, but not completely just yet, of course. Stephanie walked around to me and held me as I said everything I needed to say.

"I'm sorry," I managed to choke out. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I'm sorry I messed up, and I'm sorry I ruined all of your lives. I know you weren't expecting to have me here," I sobbed. I had to catch my breath before continuing, "and I know I've messed up a lot of your plans. Dad, you walked out of my life before I could even process anything through my mind. I don't mean to make you feel guilty, but it hurt growing up without a dad. I only shut you out b-becau-se," I choked back my tears once more. " I guess I just didn't know what it felt like, to be loved by someone other than my mama. And I guess I didn't really want to know. She was all I really ever had, and then I was all alone. Now, I don't e-expect any of you to forgive me for the chaos I've caused since I came here, b-but, all I want to say, is," I took a deep breath once more. "I'm sorry" I cried. I placed my aching head back onto the marble counter top and cried, allowing Stephanie to continue comforting me. Movement was heard before somebody picked me up and carried me somewhere. I opened my teary eyes to see my dad sitting back at the table, hugging me. He placed His head atop of mine, brushing my hair behind my shoulders. The guys were all smiling at us.

"You haven't ruined our lives, and you certainly haven't ruined our plans. Its a joy to have you, finally. We all forgive you, and you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart" he whispered. All the guys agreed as I nodded and hugged him once more before lifting my head and wiping my eyes.

"Just please don't hurt yourself. Ever again" Joey begged.

"Please" everybody spoke unanimously. I nodded.

"I'll try" I promised. "Any plans for today?" I asked.

"We're going to the studio, and you have to sing some parts for us," Mick started. My eyes widened.

"Uhm no" I answered, causing the guys started to pout and beg, so I eventually agreed. "Fine"

"Anyway, we have news to tell you, so we'll tell you while at the store, and then we'll send you off for the night with Anne so we can prepare for your birthday" he finished.

"Oh yeah, that's tomorrow" I remembered. "Cool"

"Go get ready so we can leave" my dad said, patting my shoulder. I laughed and nodded before racing up the stairs to my bedroom.

//

After my shower, I was dressed in a pair of black shorts and an Of Mice & Men tank top. I grabbed my usual things and headed downstairs to find that of course, everybody but Sid was ready.

"Shew. Why does Sid always take so long?" I huffed.

"He's like that on tour too" Paul laughed, shaking his head. I giggled.

"Of course"

Once again, Sid finally came downstairs, so we filed out of the house and to the car. Mick drove with Joey with him, I sat on Jim's lap with Chris and Craig to my right, and my dad, Paul, Shawn, and Sid in the very back. The whole way, I listened to Avenged Sevenfold, them being my favorite band. I'm not sure what about, but everybody else seemed to be deep in a conversation, but my music blocked it out.

When we arrived at the studio, we all jumped out and raced inside. I eventually plopped myself onto a comfy red chair and slept until they had me sing.

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a/n - okay I'm sorry this is a filler chapter. I can't update tomorrow because I have to go to a family reunion.

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thanks to all readers, I love you guys! :*