Do or Die | A Slipknot story

chapter sixteen

The next two weeks or so weren't as bad as before. I guess we were slowly adjusting to the fact he was in a better place now.

But, things weren't all fun and joy. I could only hope they would be someday. We wouldn't forget it, or get over it. It could only get easier as each living day passed on.

Without even warning myself, I boldly walked down the steps to the rest of my family, who seemed to have only adjusted a tiny bit over the past two or three months. My presence turned heads, and before they could revert their gazes back to their hands, I began to speak before I could stop myself.

"Look guys. You're sad, I get it. I am too. I realize it hasn't gotten much easier, and it shows you guys haven't seen a difference either. But I remembered something before I came down here. Paul Gray had a great heart. He wanted the very best for everybody, whether they deserved it or not. And I know. I know, this isn't best for us. You guys moping isn't best. Sure, you aren't supposed to move on this early. In fact, me you really don't even have to move on at all. You just gotta adjust to the fact that he is in a better, happier place. Paul wouldn't want this. He wouldn't want me to self harm again because of his death. And I didn't, because I'm stronger than I was before his death. Paul wouldn't want you guys to give up music because he isn't here anymore. He would want you to take a break, adjust, and go back to giving your fans what they want... Music. That was his life, and I know for a fact he doesn't want you guys to throw it all away. Now, if you want to take my advice into consideration, feel free. It's entirely your choice. But if it were me, I'd start appreciating the fact we got to be part of his life rather than be depressed the rest of our own. You guys and I both know, he doesn't want us sad. And because we love him and always will, let's do what he would want, and adjust to the fact he doesn't have to live in this painful world anymore" I ranted on and on until I was finished, completely out of breath. Eight pairs of eyes stared at me, shocked. Without another word, a dashed to my room, collected what I needed, and sat myself at the coffee table when I returned.

My hands grasped the cover of the large album, and turned to the first page, revealing my hard work.

"This," I pointed to the album."I've been working on this since the week after it happened. I needed my mind back, to distract me from mindless tears. I figured I would do something rather than sit in my bed and roll back and forth in my tears. If I was gonna cry, I was gonna at least do something special for Paul while I cried"

I stood up and traveled to the couch, placing myself in between my dad and Shawn. The guys slowly moved closer to look at the pages I made with me. It was unfinished, there were still quite a few pages left to fill, but I had about half done out of the thin album. I decided to leave a few in case anyone else decided to add something. My finger pointed to the picture and the page of writing below it.

"This is the picture Paul gave me when I first came here, and its of him and me when I was born" I said still observing the photo along with everyone else. Then, I proceeded to read what I wrote in the space below it. "Here, in 1994, I was born, and Paul was present. That was the last we saw of each other until I was fifteen in 2009"

I then flipped the page to the next.

"This is the same picture I left with Paul, and it was the first picture we took when I came here" I explained the picture again, and began to read off the writing. "Fifteen years later, I was sent to my dad, where I reunited with not only him, but his band members, one happening to be Paul Gray. This was the only other picture of us at the time"

I continued on. "The next photo is one Paul and I took with Sid after we pulled a prank on him, a month after I reunited with that half of my family"

"This is a picture I took of Paul when he was recording parts for the album, and continuously getting aggravated" At that memory, we all chuckled slightly.

"And this, this is the last picture we took, and it was of me driving him around, although there are many others" I finished, looking at my family who seemed to have enjoyed the idea I had to do it. I didnt show them all of the pictures, because i had to know they were on biard with what I was saying. Opening the drawer under the coffee table, I placed the album inside and once more stood in front of the eight men.

"Now, guys. How about we cheer up, and do what Paul would want us to do. Be happy" With that, the guys stood from their sitting positions and one by one hugged me, actually looking brighter than before.

"Thanks, Alex" my dad spoke, kissing the top of my head. I smiled, observing the men who stood before me, knowing what I said had stuck.

"That was beautiful, Alex" Stephanie spoke, entering the room. I smiled softly, accepting the hug she had to offer. "How 'bout I make dinner while you guys finish looking through that book Alex made"

The guys nodded, accepting the suggestion, and got comfy on the sofa while reopening the book.

I let them do their thing, and snuck out the back door to go speak to Paul again. I noticed I had gone to his grave an awful lot lately, so I was gonna try to make this the last time for awhile.

"Hey Paul. I kinda just gave this big speech to the guys about you, and how I know you want us to be happier. We'll try, hopefully. But, we won't ever forget you, and I'm sure you know that. You'll always have a special part of our hearts, and I hope to see you again someday. I love you, Paul. I love you so much"

As I stood from the ground, I felt a strange feeling- like a tug, in my stomach. I made a weird face before I heard something.

And maybe it was just my imagination, or maybe I only heard it in my head. But I could've swore, I heard a voice faintly whisper,

"I love you too, Alex"

a/n - hey guys! Please remember to vote and comment your thoughts! I'm sure you guys know by now how much I appreciate feedback cx

Also, I've decided my other story Human will be on hold until this one is finished. Sorry :( but, please do keep a look out for it, because I may update it from time to time.

Lastly, I have a question -

Do you guys think my writing has changed since I started this book?
I mean, has it gotten better, worse, or has it stayed the same? If it has gotten better, would you guys mind telling me how, so I can remember to keep writing how I am?
But, if it's stayed the same, or gotten worse, please tell me this, and maybe give me some advice on how to improve.

Thank you guys!! I love you all so much <3