* Struggle and Mourning

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Point of view Roseanne Park

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Point of view Roseanne Park

I had never felt that feeling again, the feeling of seeing Lisa broken, of feeling her body shaking as she cried compulsively in my lap.

Showing me that no matter how much time passed, that subject would always hurt inside her, like a forgotten wound that always hurts again when touched, Lisa couldn't explain the reason for the crisis, and I couldn't say if the death of her father messed with her in some way, I wouldn't judge her at any time if that was the reason, after all, we grew up with the idea that we should love our parents above anything else, and even with a troubled life her father was part of her life.

I had a lot of work to make her sleep, I spent hours with her on my lap stroking her hair and trying to calm her down, I didn't close my eyes until she fell asleep, even though my body was begging for a rest, after all her massage was interrupted.

Lisa passed out after hours of crying, I arranged her on the bed with all the care in the world, I took a wet towel and wiped her face, leaving it free of the strands of her hair too, then I hugged her against me, wishing that all her pain would disappear. when she opened her eyes again, because she didn't deserve any of this, we didn't deserve it.

On such a happy and important day for us, being hit by news like that ruined all our joy.

[...]

I got up early the next day, unable to stay in bed with my racing thoughts, I went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and hoped that Lisa would eat it, when I was setting the table I looked at her training bag hanging from the ceiling.

I stopped at the same moment, realizing that Lisa went through a crisis, but she didn't break any mirrors, she didn't get hurt, she didn't do anything impulsive, good news in the midst of such great chaos, yet another proof that the change in her had really happened, This brought me a certain relief, amid the sadness I was feeling.

As I was putting the pancakes on the plate I heard a noise coming from the living room, I glanced at the room watching Lisa rub her eyes still drowsy, she walked to the table dragging the chair on the floor.

I went to her, placing the pancakes on the plate, I got closer and her arms were around my waist, Lisa placed her head on my belly, kissing her afterwards.

- Good morning my love. — I said, lifting her face and placing a long kiss on her lips.

I looked at his red and swollen eyes, my heart broke again.

- How are you?. — I pulled up a chair and sat down next to her.

— I don't know how to say how I feel. — I saw in Lisa's lost eyes that she spoke the truth. — I cried as if I really felt grief, his death, but that doesn't make sense. — Lisa's eyes filled with tears again. — It's not fair for me to feel this way.

it will rain • ChaelisaWhere stories live. Discover now