it will rain • Chaelisa

• Cellmate

*TRIGGER WARNING*
The chapter contains: description of scenes of abuse and suicide, sensitive content for some people.

Point of view Lalisa Manoban

I stared at the bars of the cell in front of me, it wasn't a permanent prison, it was more like a prison.

After all, I hadn't killed anyone, unfortunately. Yes, I regret not having hit him more, no one would convince me otherwise, and there was nothing I could do, I would have ended up there anyway.

The only person I cared about in the world had told me that I screwed up, once again. After all, that's what I did, right? I ruined everything, ever since I was 10 years old and my mother killed herself out of guilt.

Should I tell you what happened?, I laughed to myself, what a stupid question, who would believe me?

Who would believe that that disgusting nurse put his hand on my thigh and tried to climb up my skirt.

If I told that I would have to tell the rest, I lay down on the bed that was there, if you could call it a bed, the only thing that kept my spine from breaking was the pillow they brought for me.

I closed my eyes replaying the scenes from the previous days, him running his hand on my thigh, moving up while smiling at me as if I was enjoying it, and suddenly his face became my father's face, and I was no longer a woman. 25 years old, but a child.

When he locked himself in the room with me after my mother left for work, and abused me for hours, leaving me alone in the dark room, while I sobbed and felt dirty.

I got up feeling anger consume me again while heavy tears ran down my face, I would have been able to break that cell in my hand, but I couldn't do that and make my situation even worse.

In truth, I just didn't want to bring more problems to Rosé, my mind was already imagining our conversation when I left there, her asking for a divorce and saying that she would never want to look me in the face again, nor would that make me regret what I did, because the moment he touched me I had the opportunity to let all my anger out, and as much as he deserved it, I couldn't deny that he was an outlet.

Which made me think that there was no other solution for me, if I was only okay after beating someone up, I was really a danger to whoever was around, taking away the people I loved, taking Rosé completely away from that.

I would never touch a single strand of her hair, I would do anything for her, I would get into any fight for her, maybe some people thought that was a little extreme, but everything I felt was really extreme, that's why I was in a cell , once again.

Time there didn't seem to pass, I only saw people when they brought us snacks, I couldn't eat, nothing bothered me, I could only feel empty, feel guilty, feel angry.

I brought both my hands to my face, feeling the crying return, I just wanted to run, run until my lungs couldn't take it anymore, and my air was gone.

As if I were a pressure cooker about to explode, I was just afraid of whoever was around when it happened.

— Company. — I was shocked when I heard the cell being opened, the policeman let a woman pass through it.

She sat on the other bed facing mine, looking at me over my eyes. She was much smaller than me, had long black hair, and was wearing a black sweatshirt.

— Hello. — I said, breaking the silence, it would be good to have someone to talk to.

— Hi. — She replied, still a little cornered.